She felt Hubert shift and, before she knew it, the sun was much lower in the sky. She looked up at him. "I'm sorry; did your arm fall asleep?" She'd been leaning up against him for a long time now. It wasn't sunset yet but it was starting to approach that time. She could feel her face aflame from what she'd been reading, but...it was helpful. It wasn't stressing her out quite as much as the initial talk with Juliane had. This particular book was quite gentle and had been written by an Empress in a past era. Even though it was older and its knowledge no doubt more out of date, it was still proving to be useful. It was pretty positive and open minded in explaining things. Granted, sex wasn't as taboo in the Adreian Empire as it was in the Kingdom... They had become big on saving oneself to marriage while Adrestia was...not that.

  "It has been for quite a while, yes. But I didn't want to disturb you." Edelgard shifted to get off and he started stretching it and moving his hand out. "Would you like some dinner? It's getting late in the day." She frowned. She had skipped lunch without intending to. She'd just been so absorbed in the book that she hadn't noticed how time had slipped away. It had been a long time since she'd read in such a manner... Probably since she'd been a child...

  "That's probably a good idea." No doubt he would go to get it which would give her a bit of time to think on things.

  "Is there anything in particular you'd like, my-- Edelgard?" She shook her head. She was at least far less stressed than she'd been earlier in the day. The constant physical contact with Hubert and the general quiet had helped her anxiety a fair bit. She was glad to have someone that was so understanding and willing to take care of her. Even if they never fell in love...she knew she was in the best hands possible. He would never be disloyal and fall in love with somebody else or abandon her. He would do everything to help her be the most comfortable she could be. Hubert just nodded and got up, leaving her alone in the room.

  She squeezed her hands together as she waited. Her mind whirred like a water mill going much too fast due to an overflowing river. She had gotten lost in her own mind during the reading, feeling comforted and at ease with everything. But facing the reality of everything and probably much sooner than she'd like to admit... Her anxiety was just going to build and build until it started making her stress in terrible ways. She would probably just have to get it over with sooner rather than later. She'd get through the books then probably have to get on it. She...really didn't want to but she had no choice. She didn't want to get pregnant... Childbirth was a terrifying prospect and fraught with danger. She wasn't sure if Seteth would allow it or not, but perhaps she could get Flayn to act here as her midwife. Or she could go to Garreg Mach. Flayn's age would make her experience beyond compare with anybody else at her disposal. She just had no idea what to do. The advisers would want her pregnant as soon as possible to the point she would probably be well into her pregnancy when she got married in the public ceremony.

  Eventually, Hubert returned to the room with a tray of food though, once again, her serving was pretty small. He also had another small teapot of what was undoubtedly lavender tea. He handed her the smaller portion and she looked down, picking at it slowly again. She just had so much on her mind that she really didn't feel like eating. However, she forced it down her throat one bite at a time. However, Hubert put a hand on her shoulder. "If you can't eat everything tonight, don't force it." His tone was softer than normal and she nodded. She put her silverware on the plate and handed it back to him. He poured her a mug of tea and she nursed it, still a bit too hot to drink immediately. She'd only managed about half of what was on the plate. Even then, her stomach was still very upset.

  He finished eating a bit later and she had finished about a quarter of the mug despite the heat. He wrapped an arm around her and she looked up at him. "I...think we should talk about this..." Her voice was incredibly quiet, shaking a little bit. She really didn't want to approach any of this, but she really needed to.

  He nodded and wrapped his other arm around her, holding her close. "We probably should." His tone was even softer than it had been before. He gave her a gentle squeeze, obviously trying to comfort her in whatever way he could. She shifted to sit in his lap and rested her head against his shoulder, gaze focused on her mug. She was probably going to be incredibly stressed out after this entire conversation.

  "What did Her Eminence have to say about all of this?"

  "Mother Juliane suggested that I try doing things by myself to start. But...that'll be hard since I rarely have time to myself. Either if I'm with her or with you." That felt like a pretty major hurdle to overcome. Honestly, she didn't even really like being alone. She had gotten so used to Hubert always being around her then Juliane being with her at all times. She had never had any truly alone time at the monastery either. Maybe an hour or so before Hubert came into her room after she retired for the night. Enough time to write in her journal for the day and get ready for the night. That was about the only alone time she got.

  "If you decide to move in with me, that can easily be arranged. I always have things to do that could keep me busy while you...explore." The phrasing her face flame anew and she pulled her legs to her chest. This was mortifying. Absolutely mortifying. She didn't want to have this conversation even though she knew she needed to. She couldn't even use the proper word for it. She knew it, but she didn't want to use it. "Plus, I will be busy overseeing the transfer of power to my mother for a while yet. So it would give you a few hours in the evenings at least. Unless you have something against it?"

  "I...I don't like even using the term, let alone thinking about doing it..." she mumbled. There was really no taboo against it in Adrestia as far as she knew. But with as little as she'd been exposed to sex, all of this was really flustering for her. She knew doing it piecemeal was probably best so she didn't get overwhelmed and shut down or, worse yet, be incredibly traumatised by it. Doing it in a safe setting without any judgment would be best. And doing it by herself was probably the best way to accomplish it. But...she couldn't help but feel mortified by it.

  "Keep in mind there's no real map on how to do this correctly, my-- Edelgard." He kissed her head and she looked up at him, tilting her head back. He looked down at her, a soft but genuine smile on his face. She had rarely ever seen him smile so genuinely. She knew he did it to help offer her comfort, but she could tell the difference between that and when he was being genuine. And this was truly genuine. "If you don't feel comfortable with something, you don't have to do it. Okay?" He gently squeezed his arms around her waist and she nodded a bit. She...really didn't feel comfortable with that. She saw there was no shame in it but she just didn't feel comfortable with it.

  Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!

  "I can see the logic in starting there but... I don't know. I just don't feel comfortable doing that." She looked back down at her mug and took a sip. There was little that could be done to placate her anxiety. She was a mess right now even if she wasn't showing it. She simply had to hold it together. Falling apart wouldn't do anybody any good right now and only put off the inevitable. "She also suggested we do a little bit at a time... We don't have to jump into everything all at once. That is advice I will take though. But what that'll look like...I really don't know." She had seen there were things they could do with clothes on and such so maybe that would be a place to start... She really didn't know.

  She felt Hubert nod. "Wise advice on Her Eminence's part. We can go slowly. The last thing I want to do is traumatise you any further." He fell silent for a minute and she felt his head tilt to the side a little bit. She also heard him clear his throat. Apparently this was as awkward to him as it was to her. He only ever did that when he was a bit awkward or uncomfortable. Then again, it wasn't like he'd probably ever expected to be the one helping her bear children. "Perhaps starting with baths together would be a good way to ease in? There won't have to be any touching or anything. It'll help you get comfortable being in my presence when there's...little there."

  She felt her face turn as red as it could, but she did nod. "That...might not be a bad way to start. Though I'll have to change my habits... I usually start the day off with Mother Juliane and I in the bath together, though for us, it'd probably be best to do it at night..." This had been their routine for years since following the Crest experiments. It had changed while she was at the monastery, of course, since Juliane had simply left her to be there by herself. Plus, getting clean at the start of a day with classes that made her sweaty... That wasn't the most efficient use of water.

  "Probably for the best. Though it'll be a few nights until we can do that. Unless you want to move into my room tonight and start then?" She shook her head a bit. She needed at least a full day to mentally prepare. It was getting very close to the night now. She didn't feel comfortable starting so soon. "Whatever you're comfortable with," he reassured, voice soft. He gently rubbed her arm and she rested against him fully.

  "Maybe tomorrow night, but I can't be sure. I just need a bit more time to prepare mentally is all." She was glad he was so open to listening to her concerns. Even if there was never any love between them, she would get respect and care at the very least. Plus, she knew he'd never betray her or be adulterous with anybody else. He would always be loyal to her and never stray.

  "Take whatever time you need. Do you want to talk further or leave things for one step at a time?" He ran his hand over her head, though he kept one arm over her waist to hold her close.

  "...Probably one step at a time, honestly. Things could change at any given moment." That was probably fair. She had no idea what her mind would say was and wasn't okay after each and every step. This was going to be an unpredictable process. She was entirely freaked out by all of this. She knew starting off by herself was probably best but she just wasn't comfortable with it. She'd rather have at least moral support through it all. It would make things harder in some respects, but having support would make her feel better. And she didn't feel like turning to Juliane because that would be...awkward and more or less inceset which she also didn't feel comfortable with. Her father had perished shortly after she'd ascended the throne, so it wouldn't be adultery on Juliane's part...but still. She saw Juliane as her mother. Doing things like this wouldn't feel right to her.

  "Do you want me to walk you back to Her Eminence's room or would you rather stay with me again tonight?"

  "I don't have any clothes in here, so it's best I go back to her room." The dress she was in didn't feel like it'd be comfortable for sleeping in. She was used to loose-fitting nightgowns when sleeping, not tighter clothes like the dress and leggings she currently had on. "Let me finish the tea first though." She felt Hubert nod again and, over the next little while, she finished the small pot of lavender tea. Thankfully, her mind hadn't completely rejected everything, so she wasn't feeling like the world had become distant from her.

  Hubert handed the tray off to a servant and he looked at her. "Honestly, I could probably have some night staff work with me to help move my room by tomorrow morning. That way you won't have to walk as far. Would that be okay with you?"

  She looked up at him. "You're Emperor now; you can do what you want." If he wanted to move his room overnight, he could. Though tomorrow would be his first day in court as Emperor and he hadn't slept the previous night before. She frowned as she met his eye. "Will you be okay without two nights of sleep?"

  "I've dealt with far worse, my-- Edelgard." He offered his arm to her and she wrapped her arms around it. She rested her head against his shoulder. This was all such a mess. She hated how quickly things were moving, but there was no way to stop it. It was like a spooked horse; there was no real way to stop it until it had calmed down. He gently squeezed his arm against hers. "Though I do have one thing to do..."

  "Huh?"

  For a few minutes, he murmured quietly and she felt some spells placed on her. She wasn't a proficient mage, but she could recognise that they were protective in some way. Once he finished, he patted her head with his free arm. "Contraceptive spells. That way you can make the choice when you want to have children. I'll shut those spineless cowards up tomorrow." She felt her face flush again but she nodded. That...she was glad for. She wouldn't handle being pregnant right away. She simply wasn't ready for it. She would probably have to get pregnant within the next year or two to make the advisers happy, but she was glad he was willing to give her that choice.

  With that done, though, he led her back to Juliane's room and handed her off to the former Empress. Edelgard still had the books pressed against her chest and Juliane smiled. "Well, you don't have that glassy look in your eyes, so I'm assuming you didn't get overwhelmed?"

  She shook her head. "We're going to work things step by step. We figured our first one out. He's going to move into a room here in the family wing overnight so that way he can be closer. Though I'll probably have to have my stuff moved tomorrow too..." It would feel strange to not be in Juliane's room any longer... This place had become her sanctuary for when she was too stressed out or unable to do anything. So to be moving out pretty much permanently... It was really the end of an era in her life. It was so strange to think that she was a married woman now…

  "All right, El. Did you already eat?" She nodded but settled in to do her nightly routine. Once that had wrapped up, sunset was almost over. She changed into her pajamas and curled up in bed with Juliane. The woman kissed her head and held her close. "It'll be okay, El. If you need counsel at any time, feel free to ask me or the other Imperial women, okay? Katinka will probably be your second-best resource when it comes to talking to others." The consort after her own mother…

  "Okay." She did feel her cheeks heat up again. Being blunt about this was hard. She was trying to not get overwhelmed but it was hard with the task ahead of her. She was afraid. She knew Hubert would care for her and he didn't want to traumatise her further than she already was. She was glad for that, but it very well might not be possible for it to be non-traumatic for her... At least there was no strict timetable for what they were doing... Hubert would scare the ever loving hell out of the advisers and they would no doubt shut up. If they tried to push her, he'd just scare them again. She knew she couldn't put it off forever, but not having the pressure of time did help at least a little bit…

  She closed her eyes and eventually dozed off into an uneasy sleep.