Back to the present.

  Feralynn slowly closed the door to the directors’ office, an ambiguous feeling tightening her chest, dragging her back to that “dream” she had had about her father.

  No… it wasn’t just that.

  She had vague, blurry memories of the face of a woman with delicate features, with hair cut short like her own, only white. Her image dissolved like water in her mind; she had told her something important. Or so she thinks. She blew out hard, grateful that all of it was finally over once and for all.

  Click.

  The door closed, so as her lungs.

  "HUH?! ANNYA?!"

  Fer didn’t have time to react when she felt two slender arms squeezing her with bestial strength. Her gasp of surprise was instantly drowned by the lack of air in her lungs.

  “S-STOP… I-I CAN’T… BREATHE… GCHK–!”

  It was like being crushed by the jaws of a hungry crocodile.

  “Annya, let her go already,” said a worried voice she already recognized. “She just fainted, you’re going to kill her…”

  Rose, arms crossed, begged with her eyes that Fer wouldn’t end up like squeezed fruit pulp.

  And yet, the orange-haired girl refused to let her go. She squeezed her eyes shut, burying her face—tears dried—into Feralynn’s neck; the other girl’s sense of smell succumbing to the sweet scent of her best friend’s vanilla shampoo.

  “Idiot… idiot, idiot, idiot!”

  She repeated it, relief and anger mixed together.

  “A-ANNIE, GCHK!… YOU’RE… CRUSHING… ME–!”

  Flying at the speed of light, from the elf girl’s side Jax burst out and joined the hug, suffocating poor Fer even more. He didn’t say anything, but his choked pants like a frightened puppy spoke for themselves, just like his drooping furry ears brushing against Fer’s face.

  "G-GUYS, PLEASE! I CAN'T BREATHE!"

  Trapped by the duo of affection, she pleaded with her eyes to Rose; who, after sighing and covering her face with a hand in embarrassment, didn’t separate them.

  "R-ROSE...TELL 'EM TO STOP! PLEASE! I BEG YOU"

  "ROOOOSEEEE!"

  Instead, she joined the hug, though limiting herself to wrapping around the other two, applying no force at all.

  Sigh.

  "Y'all are a bunch of crybabies. Heh." Fer said, chuckling.

  "Your fault for hanging out with babies, then." replied Rose.

  Five eternal seconds.

  Slowly, they released the girl who had given them the scare of their lives. Free from the deadly hold of affection, Fer exhaled gratefully, using the door for support.

  Her face must have been purple, but red crept into her cheeks, mixing with the dried blood stuck from her nose down to her chin. Annya gave her space, stepping back, but bringing her hands to her chest.

  “Idiot…” she repeated, her voice aching and grateful, watching Fer recover her breath. “You scared us horribly in class…”

  No kidding. If it hadn’t been for Professor Bernt intervening in time to rush her to emergencies, the story would have been very different.

  “Fer, what the hell happened?” Jax asked, resting a hand on her back. “Y-You were coughing a lot, and when Annya screamed you left a horrible pool of blood on your desk!”

  With her breath recovered, Fer ran a hand through her hair in a pathetic attempt to plaster on an uninterested fa?ade.

  "It was nothing… I really don’t want to talk about it right now.” Her gaze drifted toward the clock tower visible through the hallway window, beneath the pale gray winter sky. “Shit, it’s almost noon…! How much time passed?!”

  “Two hours and seventeen minutes,” Rose clarified, her voice soft and her brow furrowed with concern. “You skipped several classes, I’ll give you my notes. Don’t worry. Although…” her gaze shifted to Annya, who lowered her eyes from emotional exhaustion. “You weren’t the only one.”

  All eyes turned to Annya. In the awkward silence, Fer broke it.

  “Annya… did you skip classes?”

  Mute, she nodded.

  “I waited outside the infirmary the whole time…” She wiped the tears threatening to fall again down her freckled cheeks. “When you came out, I didn’t dare talk to you because you looked really exhausted. The headmasters wanted to see you, so you insisted Choppi to carry you to their office instead of staying on bed and, well… I waited until now.”

  She lifted her gaze. She smiled, because despite the heart attack her little heart almost suffered, she was deeply relieved that Fer was finally safe.

  Feralynn could endure mockery, insults, indifference from her other classmates. And yet, that small happiness on Annya’s face split her soul in two.

  First came the confusion upon waking, then the fear of worrying her mother, third the shame of knowing no one in class would forget this, and now… guilt.

  Guilt for not only making her lose attendance, but for leaving her alone. It’s ironic that when we avoid asking for help from those who love us, we end up hurting ourselves in the process. And worse still, hurting others as a result.

  That stake drove hard into her chest.

  Could I… have avoided all of this?

  Yes, yes, you could have avoided it completely. By talking. By asking them to stay with you. By not covering every wound with a sarcastic comment and an arrogant fa?ade. Avoidance is not the solution. Healing is. But for someone as stubborn as Feralynn, expressing vulnerability cost a hundred times more than clearing trenches full of men armed to the teeth.

  If there was a true victim in all this, it was herself, for her fearful and selfish pride of not wanting to lower her guard for even a single second. Ironic.

  Rose cleared her throat, pulling her out of the trance.

  “Jax, remember we have to help Professor Campbell with the scenery for the next rehearsal.”

  “What, are you kidding? Fer just woke up! And it’s half an hour until lunchtime, plus I’m starving to dea—” he stopped short upon noticing Rose discreetly pointing with her eyebrows, first at Annya and then at Fer. He blinked twice, finally understanding. “R-Right! Sure, help with the drama club. Fer, gods, next time don’t scare us like that… or if you do, do it in the middle of an exam so we can seank out of it.”

  He winked at her, smiling. When he and Rose started moving to leave them alone, Fer rested a hand on the boy’s shoulder, stopping him for a brief instant.

  “Did you give it to her?” Fer whispered, her voice hoarse, low enough so Annya wouldn’t hear.

  Jax blinked once and nodded, determined.

  “Message sent, Blood Eyes,” he whispered back. "Got you covered."

  Feralynn nodded once. She didn't speak, but that smile said enough.

  Thanks, dude.

  Frosty received the origami dove. That eased the tension inside Fer a little. She needed, despite everything, to know her intentions had gotten through. But she didn’t know how Miria would take it after all this disaster, or whether she would go to the terrace to have lunch with her alone to… talk? Share a cigarette? No, she doesn’t even smoke. So then, how did she intend to help her, if she didn’t even know how to help herself—?!

  “Fer…”

  She turned abruptly, finding Annya, hands clasped behind her back, rocking from one foot to the other. There would be time for that later. Right now the only thing that mattered was her.

  “Are you coming?” she asked, tilting her head. “I’d like us to go somewhere quiet, just the two of us.”

  Don’t fuck it up, don’t fuck it up, don’t fuck it up.

  “Uh, yeah. I guess… why not?” hands in her pockets; Fer had already fucked it up by using that fake nonchalant tone. “Where do you want us to go?”

  Annya didn’t answer. She took her hand gently. She stepped closer, slow steps, taking advantage of the hallway’s privacy. She pulled a disposable tissue from her pocket, barely dampened it with her mouth, and brought it to Fer’s stained face.

  “A-Annya—”

  “Your face is dirty,” she cut in, gently wiping the dried blood from her nose and the corner of her lips.

  You don't have to do this. I can clean myself alone.

  "Someone could see us..."

  Pathetic lie. They were alone.

  “It makes you look tough, you know? More than usual.”

  “Don’t ever scare me like that again.” It wasn’t a request, nor a plea. It was an order, and good soldiers follow orders without question. “Don’t ever do it again. Understood?”

  The heat of something that clearly wasn’t fire rose all the way to the tips of Feralynn’s ears, as she babbled hypnotized, without blinking.

  “Yes, sir…”

  Satisfied, Annya softened her furrowed brow and let her usual smile slip in the same way she does everything: gently.

  “Good.”

  Without asking permission, she took the hand of the dazed Fer, whose nose tingled from that coconut-and-vanilla scent she secretly adored. She led her to the entrance of an empty classroom. Annie knocked on the door; receiving no answer, she opened it just a little, peeking inside to make sure no one was there.

  Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

  Perimeter secured.

  Inside, Feralynn leaned her back against the whiteboard. White, modern, the kind that uses markers instead of chalk. Her hands slipped back into her pockets by unconscious reflex, and she looked away when Annya stopped at a respectful distance, crossing her arms and looking at her with that expression.

  Mom gives me that look when she finds cigarettes in my backpack…

  Faced with the unbearable silence and the mute judgment of her best friend, she started, clumsy.

  “Listen, I—”

  “WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS LIKE THIS?! WHY?!”

  She lifted her gaze, startled by the shout that bounced off the classroom walls.

  “… ”

  “I KNOW YOU DON’T LIKE ASKING FOR HELP!” Annya continued, filled with exhausted rage. “I KNOW YOU’RE STRONG, B-BUT… YOU SPAT BLOOD! I SAW YOU CRY RED AND YOU COLLAPSED! RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! YOU SCARED ALL OF US, FERALLYNN! YOU SCARE ME! YOU SCARE ME A LOT!”

  "DO YOU HAVE THE SLIGHTEST IDEA HOW YOU AFFECT OTHERS?! HOW YOU AFFECT ME?!"

  "SAY SOMETHING! YOU ALWAYS KNOW HOW TO SPIT YOUR STUPID SARCASTIC JOKES, RIGHT?! SAY SOMETHING!"

  It was the first time, since she had known her, that she’d seen her like this. Hurt. Fer clenched her fists so hard they turned white, and nearly caught fire inside her pockets.

  It wasn’t anger at her. She could never want to hurt her. She felt like lifting her right hand in a gun gesture and conjuring a Gun spell to her own head, just so she wouldn’t have to deal with all of this. With this disaster she had caused, and that had been so easy to avoid from the start.

  Guess that's my real nature, huh? Hurt everyone. Especially to those who love me. Now I remember. That white-haired woman, she called me an unfinished tragedy. Maybe she was right.

  Annya took a step toward her, her voice now hoarse.

  “We’re always together. But I never know how you really feel. You’re my best friend and... I don’t even know when your birthday is, or your favorite food, or if you only agree to do everything I suggest because you feel sorry for me. You never tell me anything about yourself. And—and I don’t want to bother you, but after today… gods.”

  My birthday…? When was the last time I celebrated one?

  She couldn’t recall a single one.

  “You never tell me how you are, or if you’re tired, or if you want me to stay again in your room so you won’t have nightmares, I just want you to trust me—!”

  Before Annya could say anything else, she gasped, surprised, when in less than a blink Feralynn hugged her. She moved so fast she didn’t process what had happened until she was already wrapped in firm but gentle arms, Fer’s chin resting on her shoulder.

  “I’m sorry.”

  The silence that followed in the classroom filled with Annya’s sobs, as she clung to Fer’s back with her fingers, holding onto the hug as if she were about to fall into a bottomless precipice. Feralynn didn’t know what had driven her to do it. In truth, she never really knew what to say or what to do in situations like this. She only felt that it was the right thing. For both of them.

  “You’re an idiot…” Annya babbled, soaking Fer’s shoulder with tears. “Don’t leave me alone again…”

  Feralynn was the only person with whom Annya could feel truly comfortable. With her brothers far away, with neither Mónica nor Juliet in the neighborhood, she had felt completely alone. Knowing she would go to another school had been another blow; she wouldn’t know anyone.

  She would be alone, in an environment where she already felt like an intruder.

  “You were right…” Fer laughed softly, holding her more carefully. “I should’ve told you I wasn’t feeling well at the bus stop.”

  Annya knew she was annoying. She was afraid of being too intrusive with personal questions because Fer always dodged them. She was afraid that one day she’d get tired of her childish, sweet attitude and leave her. She saw in Fer someone she had never known before: impulsive, sarcastic, clumsy, rough, loud. And yet, what had drawn her in was her authenticity.

  “I should’ve listened to you.”

  Because she’s genuine. Because she doesn’t sugarcoat things to make you feel better. Because you know her praise is real. Because she doesn’t care about any label to like you.

  She is the bravery Annya had always admired and wished to have one day.

  “I’m a coward.”

  "Don't say that, you dummy! You're not."

  And yet, Feralynn considered herself the opposite for hiding everything from her, all the time. She was incapable of feeling deserving of a present like this: with friends, with a normal life.

  If there was someone she truly hated, it was her reflection every morning.

  I can’t keep going like this.

  No, you can’t. Because look at what you caused in your attempt not to be a burden to others: you doubled it. You pretend not to hurt anyone, and you load all that contempt onto yourself, and therefore, onto others.

  “It’s your soul, lioness. If it’s empty it’s because you want it that way.”

  Professor Romina’s voice echoed in her memories, when both of them were lying on their backs in the white void inside her soul. Enough anesthesia. Enough running away.

  "Stillness bothers your conscious mind, but it seems your unconscious doesn’t. It desires it."

  "But never confuse peace with numbness."

  In others’ eyes you are the bravest. Be it. If you truly were the trash you think you are, you wouldn’t have your best friend crying for you in your arms right now.

  For the first time she could remember, Fer didn’t cling to someone else’s embrace to comfort herself in the middle of a crisis. Mom. Romina. Annya. She always went to them without returning the same affection. This time, no. Not this time. Not again. With clumsy fingers, she caressed Annya’s orange hair, calming her. Giving her an affection she wouldn’t have given anyone else, until now.

  They stayed that way, silent, standing for several minutes, with Annya feeling Fer’s calloused fingers trace gentle caresses along the back of her head.

  “Spaghetti.”

  The word stopped the remnants of Annya’s sobs. She opened her eyes, confused. Fer loosened the hug slightly to look her in the face.

  “My favorite food is spaghetti.”

  Mouth agape, Annya blinked a couple of times, then let out an awkward little laugh, wiping her face with the sleeve of her uniform.

  “I already knew it. You get sauce all over your mouth when we eat with your mom, and you serve yourself up to three plates in a row.”

  “What—? Then why did you say you didn’t know?!”

  “Because I wanted to hear you say it.”

  “… ”

  They laughed softly, both tired. One from worrying, the other from pretending she didn’t.

  “And your birthday?”

  Fer lifted her gaze, serious, trying to rummage through the deepest corner of her mental chest for some date. It was hard; when she camped in the forest there were no calendars, and the weather was cold all the time, useless for tracking seasons.

  “I think I forgot.”

  Annya gave her a light punch to the chest, without force or anger, smiling.

  “You’re lying.”

  “I’m not! Ugh, listen, I never asked Mom. I—I didn’t… damn it. I didn’t… haah!” She was hopeless at this kind of thing. “I didn’t have a normal life like yours, okay?!”

  She finally confessed it. Halfway. Not even that: just the tip. But it was a gigantic step to admit it with her. The girl with glasses shook her head. She knew that digging into her past right now, with direct questions, wasn’t ideal, and that her suspicions since the day she’d met her in the neighborhood were completely confirmed.

  Feralynn held Annya in her arms, and yet she felt the opposite: as if she were the one finally letting herself be carried, like a surrendered puppy.

  “But now you do,” Annya replied, seeing Fer blurry through her dirty lenses. “So now we have to find you a day.”

  She pressed her index finger firmly against Fer’s chest, making her roll her eyes with a crooked smile.

  “That’s not how it works, genius.”

  “Either you choose a birthday date, or tomorrow in class I tell everyone to sing you the song.” A very dangerous threat, said with a smug, lethal smile. “I can even convince Professor Romina and Smiley to decorate the whole classroom for you.”

  "If I say yes, would you bake a cake for me?"

  "Mhm! The most delicious choco-mint cake of the whole planet!"

  "Free of charge?"

  "Nop~!"

  "Heh, knew it."

  They were both back to normal. Even more so when Fer growled, stifling a complaint, imagining herself walking into a classroom full of hats, glitter, and worst of all, that damn song they sang to classmates on their birthdays. She hated it. Every time she heard it, she covered her ears from the secondhand embarrassment.

  “Make it next month… the nineteenth? I dunno. As long as it’s not during important exams, or during the Elemental Tournament.”

  “The nineteenth of April?” Annya tilted her head, thoughtful, resting an index finger on her chin. “Oh, you’d be an Aries!”

  Fer didn’t understand a damn thing of what she had just said. She only knew that, without realizing it, Annya still hadn’t let go of the hug.

  “Uuhh… and what the hell does that mean? Is that… a good thing or what?”

  Why do people care about that shit, anyways?

  Annya raised an index finger, proud of her knowledge—thanks to Rose—about zodiac signs.

  “You’d be the first of the twelve signs, represented by the goat that is characterized by—”

  Fer covered her mouth with one hand. Her head was saturated and her chest had only just recovered from emotional blows that were far too heavy; this was not the moment. Annya understood and sighed through her nose, calming down.

  “I ruined my makeup because of you.” She tapped Fer’s chest again, firmly, without aggression or real reproach. “You owe me at least five trips to the mall.”

  “Two,” Fer cut in, smiling just like Annya. “Two or none.”

  “Three, or I won’t bake you cookies anymore. And you'll carry my bags.”

  “But—! Ugh, fine! Three and that’s it.”

  They both laughed… until life rang again.

  ?DIIIN—DOOON…!

  The chimes of the castle clock tower announced noon and, with it, lunchtime. The moment when students and teachers set aside their daily tasks to gather in the main cafeteria.

  Shit, Frosty! How long were we in here?!

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!

  I GOTTA HURRY UP!

  "I hope she has recovered properly."

  “I’m guessing you’re hungry,” Annya said casually. “I brought some extra meat sandwiches, just in case you want some.”

  “Ah, yeah, uhhh—!” Fer coughed hard, breaking the hug abruptly and stepping back two paces. “Listen, don’t take this the wrong way! I know you were upset earlier, and you should be, but… uh, I was thinking of having lunch… alone.”

  An uncomfortable silence fell.

  “Alone… with Miria, right?”

  “Well, I—!”

  “I saw you looking at her a lot today,” Annya continued, without raising her voice. “I may not know you completely, but I do know you’re terrible at lying. And pretending.”

  Feralynn was left open-mouthed, rigid. When she swallowed to try to answer, Annya stopped her with an open palm.

  “It's okay, I don't mind! No problem.” she said, forcing lightness. “I’ll wait for you until you’re done and then we’ll go back home!”

  … AAHHH, I’M THE WORST!

  “Ah, uh, uuhh… see, she got grounded! And I—and I agreed with Smiley to stay with her after classes to keep her company as a favor I owed him.”

  She laughed far too nervously, scratching the back of her neck.

  "Ha ha! Haah..."

  OH, COME ON! ANNIE, SAY SOMETHING! ANYTHING! JUST DON'T LOOK AT ME WITH THAT FACE! WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

  "..."

  Annya lowered her smile. Not completely. But Fer swore she saw that shine go out all at once. She looked away, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Despite everything, she smiled again.

  “She must feel very lonely and sad about her brother,” she said softly. “Don’t worry. I understand.”

  Ironic: now she was the one hiding her own wound behind a fa?ade.

  Without adding anything else, she walked quickly toward the classroom door, head lowered and fists clenched.

  “Annie, wait—!”

  BAM!

  The slam echoed. And it wasn’t the wind; the windows were closed.

  Feralynn was left alone, her hand frozen toward the entrance. Slowly she closed it into a fist. That fist became a meteor. Then the other did too, igniting in living, violent flames.

  "Gchk!"

  “God...DAMN IT!”

  Her lips trembled. She couldn’t take it anymore.

  “FUCKING HEEEEEEEEEELL!!!!”

  She extended both hands toward the empty desks and chairs, carbonizing them instantly. The fire was so powerful the metal nearly fused with the floor. The blaze showed no mercy, painting everything in smoke and ash. Had there been people sitting there, nothing would have remained that wouldn’t fit into ceremonial urns.

  She didn’t stop. She screamed at the top of her lungs, unleashed all her rabid rage for long seconds, until the classroom was blackened, gray, unrecognizable.

  Then she lowered her hands.

  “Haah… haaah…”

  She was panting. Her chest rose and fell violently. Her ears rang. Her legs trembled.

  PIII—PIII—PIII—!

  She immediately looked up. The fire alarm had gone off.

  “Great, just what I fucking needed—”

  FSHHHH—SHHHHHHH—!

  The universe, still unsatisfied, decided to mock her a little more and activated the sprinklers.

  "I. Fucking. Hate. You." ??

  Alone. Soaked. Confused. Her head a whirlwind from Annya’s reaction. And on top of that, she still had to go up to the rooftop to meet Miria. In winter. With her uniform drenched.

  “Damn it…” she muttered, hearing the muffled screams of panic and horror of students on the other side of the door.

  She never thought she’d admit this, because doing so would be an insult to all the luck and effort it took her to get there. But in that precise instant—with the day barely halfway through—she gave up.

  “In Soleria… this shit didn’t happen to me.”

  Not caring if she was discovered for having destroyed school property, she moved toward the door.

  The floor was soaked. She took a wrong step. And slipped.

  “WA—AAAA—!”

  SLAP!

  She fell face-first. Real hard.

  She stayed there for a second, her cheek against the cold floor, her heart still racing, her pride reduced to less than a chewed and spitted pulp.

  Sniff. Sniff.

  “I’m a disaster…”

  siiip…!

  “Mm~ Mmm~ ??”

  "What the hell?"

  "VANSY! LONG TIME NO SEE!"

  "HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?!"

  …

  …

  …

  

  ?