***

  I wake up early, which is unusual for me. But I guess these are unusual circumstances.

  I don't hear anyone moving around in the rest of the house, so I say put. Feels a little uncomfortable existing in a strangers home.

  I absent mindedly reach for my phone. Ah fuck, yeah, I don't have that anymore. Man, how did people function before phones? This sucks.

  The boredom starts to kick in. What am I going to do with my time?

  Huh, the slug!

  ‘Hey slug are you there?’

  [Yes fingernail we are here.]

  ‘Fingernail?’

  [Referring to us as “slug” would be the same as us referring to you as your fingernail.]

  ‘Huh, okay I guess I understand that.’ I didn't really. ‘What should I call you then?’

  [For your reference we can hear all your thoughts, not just the ones you think ‘at’ us. You can call us Gestalt.]

  ‘Oh, well, hi Gestalt. Sorry, yeah I don't really understand.’

  [The small part of our body currently situated around the top of your spinal cord is attached to the greater whole of our being. Just to the side of the four dimensional space that you mostly exist in. It is like we are touching you, on the inside.]

  Gotta say that gives me the big time ick.

  ‘Wow, okay that's a lot to deal with.’

  [It is understandable that this situation will cause you distress. We can remove this distress from your mind if you request it.]

  ‘You can change how I think and feel?’

  [Yes]

  Oh God. How do I get it out!?

  [Reminder that we can hear all your thoughts. You just have to request it and we will stop touching you.]

  Eww phrasing. ‘If I remove you, do I lose the ability to understand people?’

  [Yes.]

  ‘Okay, cool. So there is a man? Woman? Being? In my head that can mind control me at will. That's just gravy.’

  [It is not gravy. Nor do we have gender. My kind reproduces by binary fission. Once the Gestalt reaches a certain cognitive weight the urge to split becomes undeniable. It feels much the same as the activity you were engaged with before you went to sleep last night.]

  Oh God oh God ewwww!

  ‘You watched me masturbate?’

  [No, your sense data is automatically transferred to us, there is no intention behind the act.]

  ‘Could you not?’

  [No more than you could stop feeling your finger tips. We understand that this has also given you a disturbed emotional reaction, if it's any consolation we do not have any interest in what you do with your flesh.]

  ‘Are you intentionally being creepy?’

  [No.]

  ‘Okay, okay.’ Yuck! ‘So you can feel everything I do and control my mind, so why don't you just take over me?’

  [First you would not know if we decided to take over you. We could edit your mind to believe that you were still in control even while we puppet you.]

  Oh fuck.

  [We would not use your body to fuck. The act is distasteful. The reason we do not mind control you or subsume you into the Gestalt, is that we have a lucrative deal with the City of Doors. The terms are very clear and extensive. We do not attach to a host without express consent or order from a rift officer. We will detach and reattach upon request of the host. We do not control the host unless given express consent, or in the situation that the host is incapacitated and control is needed to save the hosts life. We will not share any thoughts, feelings or opinions of the host without express consent. We will not subsume the host into the Gestalt proper without express consent of both the host and a board of three Rift Officers.]

  ‘People choose that?’

  [More than you would think. It is a form of immortality. For all these conditions, and the services we provide in translation and messaging, we are protected and fed within the bounds of the Academy.]

  ‘Messaging service?’

  [You would best understand it as texting.]

  ‘Brain texting?’

  [Correct. To engage with this service there is a payment of allowing us to copy your memory into the Gestalt proper, to be categorized and used as we see fit.]

  ‘That a permanent feature?’

  [As long as you continue to let us copy your memories the service remains.]

  ‘Okay, cool. I’ll get back to you on that. Maybe when I have someone to message.’

  [We will clarify, emergency communication is included within this service. Should the host become endangered. They will be able to request support from other Rift Officers.]

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  ‘Oh, ah, it's like brain nine nine nine.’

  [Correct.]

  ‘Okay then, I accept the service, you can copy my memories.’

  [Understood. You are now able to access the messaging service. The memory copying will occur when you are asleep. Your dreams may be affected during this process.]

  This is all so weird.

  [You will adapt to the situation quickly. Human minds are very flexible. It is why we use them as the base of the Gestalt.]

  Oh God. ‘What?’

  [It is highly reductive, but to some extent we are a lot of brains stitched together. Human brains make excellent substrate between more specialized brains that we have subsumed.]

  I’m going to throw up.

  [It is possible you will, yes.]

  ‘Well this has been a horrible conversation. Do you know if anyone in the house is up?’

  [We can not give you that information as we can not share the information of other hosts.]

  ‘Okay, yeah that's fair. That makes me feel a little better.’

  [It does.]

  ‘Anyway I should probably see what's up, see you later Gestalt.’

  [We are always watching Tangerine.]

  ‘You have to be trying to be creepy.’

  [We are not.]

  ***

  I shake my head to clear my mind, not that I imagine it will do anything.

  [It does not.]

  I pointedly ignore Gestalt and poke my head out the door.

  The house itself seems to be like a large town house. I spot a pair of little eyes poking out from around a corner.

  It's Maria's kid. Emily? Yeah I think so.

  “Hi Emily.” I give her a little wave.

  “Hi.”

  “You know where a girl can get breakfast?”

  Emily just nods her head and I follow her down to the kitchen.

  The two of us have way too much fun trying to make porridge. A mess was made until a kitchen maid appeared to tell us both off.

  Scrubbing pots without washing up liquid is hard.

  After Emily and I finish cleaning up our mess from breakfast, Maria finds us.

  Gone is the military styled rift officer uniform, she is now wearing a smart dress that makes her look like a proper noble woman. Long skirt, high collar, gloves that go up to the elbow.

  Mommy please.

  But also something more than that.

  Do I want to fuck her, yes of course. But there's a new feeling, something I don't think I have ever felt before.

  I want to be her.

  She swept into the room straight backed, confident, like she owned everything around her. Which she did, this being her house and all. But you understand what I mean.

  [No we do not. Please clarify.]

  ‘I wasn't talking to you.’

  [Are you saying there are other entities in your mind? We have not detected anything.]

  I can feel the slug in the back of my neck get its hackles up. They are concerned. Strange, that's the first time I have felt any feelings from them.

  ‘There's nobody else in my mind. I was just kinda narrating my thoughts. I was saying that I get what I mean.’

  [Why would you not understand what you understand?]

  ‘It’s… I… It’s hard to explain, I got real bad ADHD, I kind of disassociate a bit. Like watching my life through a TV screen.’

  [Interesting, we request permission to analyze this phenomena.]

  ‘Do you not analyze it anyway?’

  [No, all data from a host remains uncategorized until consent is given.]

  ‘knock yourself out.’

  Is it weird that I’m already comfortable with the Gestalt in my head?

  [Human minds are extremely adaptable as we have already expressed. But yes, your mind has taken to our presence significantly faster than most hosts. We have become very interested in your mind Tangerine. Observing your brain activity we believe you are currently disassociating. While this data is fascinating, we encourage the host to reengage with her sense data. Maria is trying to talk to you.]

  I refocus my eyes, Maria is in front of me looking like she just asked me a question and she is waiting for the answer.

  “Ah I'm sorry, I missed what you said. I’m just… getting used to Gestalt in my head.”

  Maria relaxes a little, a bright smile grows on her face. “You are already talking to the Gestalt? It normally takes months before a host can communicate with them.”

  “Really?” I ask. “They are quite chatty, in a creepy kind of way.”

  “Chatty huh?” A puzzled look on her face. “Never heard the Gestalt described that way before.”

  “Do you not chat to them?”

  Emily is bored by our conversation so I absent mindedly pick her up and spin her around, pretending like I'm going to drop her on her head.

  Maria smiles at our antics. “No not really, they will respond if I ask them direct questions but other than that, nothing. I would forget that they are even there if it wasn't for the messaging service.”

  ‘Hey Gestalt, how come you don't talk to Maria like me?’

  [We do not share information about other hosts, or information that could be used to extrapolate information about other hosts.]

  ‘Fair enough.’

  “Gestalt won't tell me anything about it.”

  “I'm not surprised.”

  “Thank you, by the way. For letting me stay in your house and helping me with all of this.”

  “Think nothing of it. While I would do this anyway, because I would not want to see a young woman hurt. We didn't find you on that cliff edge by accident. It is part of my job to watch out for signals of aberrant rift walkers, rescue them, and then set them up for the Academy.”

  “Well, still. Thank you.” I’m feeling shy, because I’ve never been great at being thankful. But also Mommy please.

  I think I flicked the bean watching Bridgerton one too many times. These period costumes are killing me.

  I guess they are not costumes are they? Just clothing. So fucking weird.

  Maria pulls my attention back to the present. “Today we are going shopping. You need, well, everything.”

  “I don't really have any money? And I'm not sure my money would be good here anyway?”

  “That is not a concern for you. The Academy will take care of whatever you need. Just be warned, this is a debt that needs to be paid back when you are a full Rift Officer, and it's garnished straight from your pay check. But do not worry too much.” She waves her hand around her rather large town house. “Rift Officers tend to end up rather wealthy.”

  “Huh, so it's a good career then?”

  “One of the best in the City of Doors.”

  ***

  This city is insane.

  It's like New York mixed with Hong Kong. Then all wrapped up in steampunk Kowloon Walled City.

  There are lights, sounds and smells everywhere. Any place that can have a market stall has one.

  And there are a lot of non-humans here. I swear there are elves and dwarves and shit. I saw a building that was basically a giant fish bowl inside. And in there there was some fucking mermaid.

  Mermaids!

  They were not wearing very much at all!

  If Maria didn't know about my predilections before, she certainly does now. As she basically had to drag me away from that shop window and clean up my drool.

  The other thing about the city is how damn vertical it is. Every street is a maze of alleyways, stairs, elevators and ladders. The sky scrapers reach down into the void just as much as they reach up.

  I am dragged around clothing shops, where I get measured and tailored and poked and fitted every which way. I even end up wearing a new fit. I feel smart as hell, like a proper lady even.

  It surprised me, but I am really in love with corsets. Is this what a nice suit feels like for a guy?

  I dabble with some hats, but I'm just not a hat person.

  I do miss a good hoodie though.

  The rest of the clothing has to be customized, or straight up made and will be sent to Maria's house over the next few days.

  We get home late and I almost get to sleep without sobbing.

  ***