***

  I'm back in dreamland with Gestalt.

  I remember this. I was twelve and I'm sitting at the kitchen table with my mum.

  I love my mum and my mum loves me. She is the best mum that has ever existed and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

  But my mum and I don't really understand each other.

  This was the moment that I properly came out as gay to her.

  My mum loves men. Like really fucking loves men. Never settled down because there were always more fish in the sea. And like pokemon, my mum wanted to catch them all.

  I never knew who my dad was. My mum doesn't either. The story is that I was her happy little accident after having the best festival experience a girl could have.

  Once she found out she was pregnant she decided to keep me to commemorate the festival.

  If that sounds irresponsible to you, well it was the opposite of that. My mum looked the responsibility in the eye and made it blink.

  My mum is waffling on at the table about who in my class I should invite to my party, trying to talk about the boys in the class and teasing me about having a boyfriend.

  I watch twelve year old me snap at her. I think it was the first time I ever swore at my mum.

  “I'm a fucking lesbian mum!” Little twelve year old me is standing now. My mum just looks shocked.

  To be fair I had been a lesbian since I was like six. This was not the first time I told her. I think she just hoped it was a phase.

  And not because she thought being gay was bad - she’s not homophobic. It's just she wanted to be able to relate to me. She wanted to be able to share her love of hot guys with me. Because we just didn't relate on anything else.

  My mum was a party girl, I played videogames.

  My mum was a straight A student, I was failing my A levels.

  My mum had countless friends, I had one.

  My mum liked boys, I liked girls.

  My mum took charge of her own life, I just went with the flow.

  [Your mum loved you.]

  ‘Yeah I know. It was just… this is the last time she talked to me about boys.’

  [She stopped sharing that part of herself with you.]

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘...’

  ‘This past year we barely talked about anything anymore. I always wanted to talk to her again, but I never knew how.’

  [And she didn't either.]

  ‘And now I can't talk to her at all.’

  I think I might be crying in my sleep now.

  ‘How did your audit go?’

  [We have addressed the anomaly.]

  ‘Yeah? What was it?’

  [We find you easy to talk to.]

  ‘That’s an anomaly?’

  [It was unexpected. But now we understand the cause. We have assigned additional brain power for our interactions with you, Tangerine Stone.]

  ‘Awww thanks, love you too buddy.’

  [Time to wake up.]

  ***

  I wake and stumble into my normal routine of hanging out with Emily in the morning while making a disaster of breakfast.

  Emily has opened up to me, which sounds great at first. Until you remember she's six and six year olds are very painful to talk to.

  Maria finds us after breakfast.

  “So, what should I do about the whole core situation?” I ask her.

  “It's up to you. Fixing the core will be quicker and will stabilize your mana flow. It will allow you to join the academy on even footing with the other students.”

  “And expansion?”

  “You will have access to your domain. Which is very useful. Your core will be expanded so you can cycle more mana. But your core will remain unstable so you will find it more difficult to cast spells for a while.”

  “So no clear advantage either way?”

  “Your core leans towards neutral mana. Which tend to be very useful at powering artifacts. Being able to hold items in your domain and having an expanded mana pool to power those items could be a natural advantage for you. At the cost of easy spell casting.”

  A big grin spreads across my face. There is one thing that sets me apart from other gamers, and that's the fact that I always use the consumables. Did you reach the final boss with ninety nine revive potions? I didn't, because I used every one of those potions at the perfect time and thus reached the final boss fifteen hours before you did.

  Since I got here I have been going with the flow, letting other people decide things for me. Even before I got here that was the case for most of my life.

  But now, today, I'm going to make a decision to define my own future. I'm going to actually decide what I want and go for it.

  “I would like the expansion please.”

  Maria gave me a small nod and a smile. “I will let Seren know.”

  ***

  Maria and I head back out into town again to buy yet more clothes, books, stationery and all the other things one would need for school life. I'm not quite sure when I'm actually going to the Academy, but Maria certainly wants to be prepared. I guess I could just ask.

  “Maria, when am I going to the Academy?”

  “Probably sooner rather than later. Rift walkers are rare, we have to wait until we have enough students to make a full class of twelve. Then the dozen of you go through the Academy together.”

  “Oh, that's cool. How many do you have so far?”

  “You are number eleven of the new class, but we have word of a possible natural that might be ready to join as well.”

  “Natural? “

  “Rift Walkers come to the Academy three ways. There is the made. If you are wealthy enough there are certain ways to force a Mana core to open up to Rift Walking, if done young enough. There are naturals that showed signs of Rift Walking very early on, who we keep an eye on. To see if they develop enough to warrant bringing them to the Academy. Then lastly there are the aberrants like yourself. Those that experience a core crack much later in life. They are the rarest because that core crack is often fatal.”

  I think Maria is rather enjoying my company, though I find her whole aura is very confusing. Imagine a drill sergeant was also your mother. That's the vibe. Somehow calm and caring, but holds an expectation that I want to meet.

  I'm being the best girl I can be for her. Because I'm a guest in her house and you can't not be polite. But also, low-key I’m still scared as shit about everything and everyone.

  This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

  I stick close to Maria when walking the city. The whole place is on the bad side of town. London has its rougher boroughs but this place is on another level.

  Gangs are open here, and I've seen more than one fight break out over the last few days. Plenty of thieving kids around too.

  Everyone stays clear of Maria though. She walks through the streets like she’s parting the red sea. I guess this is what being a Rift Officer is like.

  “You're basically the police right?” I ask Maria. I wave at a group of thugs, trying their best to not get our attention. “How come this area is so rough?”

  Maria gives a little sigh. “Technically the Academy owns and runs the whole city. But it's like trying to manage an ant hill with a sledge hammer. Plus there is work that only Rift Officers can do that keeps most of us very busy. So most of the power is delegated down to the council, who manage the day to day running's of the City. That mixed with the fact that the city has a lot of transit between planes and a lot of imagination. It's hard to keep a lid on everything. We are fighting fires just to keep our head above water.”

  She waves at the thugs, getting them to move along. “There are some areas that are a little safer, but don't ever go out alone in the City. You are a very valuable asset, and there are ways to kidnap you so that even I could not find you.”

  Holy shit. Oh God. Fuck.

  Every time I think I'm settling, this world punches me in the tit.

  “It's okay.” Maria continues. “The Academy will keep you safe while you are on their grounds, and when you are not you will stay with me. At least until you are ready to stand on your own.”

  “You're keeping me?” I'm honestly surprised. I thought this was a job for her, and once I was at the Academy I would be on my own.

  “Don't sound so surprised dear.” She said with a smile. “Of course you can stay. Emily loves you, and you fit right in. You will have to stay at the Academy during term times. But during breaks and holidays you will stay with us.”

  A tension I didn't know I was holding, releases. Of course I start to sob again. I’m crier if you hadn't noticed. Fuck off.

  Maria hugs me. Other than Emily it's the first hug I have received since I got here, actually it's the first hug for a while before that. I was never a big hugger, and what with my mum often working crazy shifts, and the two of us failing to communicate. It's been a while.

  Maria holds me without judgement until I manage to pull myself together.

  I laugh. “Thanks.” I said. “I think I needed that.”

  “Lunch?” She asks.

  ***

  Maria takes me to this very fancy tea room, in the nice part of town. There's a server dressed like a butler at every table, a couple of old dudes playing violin in the corner, and every customer is dressed to the nines.

  I also get to see a third side of Maria. First I saw Maria the copper, then I saw Maria the mother. Now it's time for Lady Maria, and I learn, yet again, how out of my depths I really am.

  We go to be seated at the entrance but a woman with the tallest hat I have ever seen calls out.

  “Maria? Is that you? Oh darling, it has been so long since I have seen you out in the City.”

  The tall hatted woman comes up to our maitre d and starts bullying the poor man. “No, possh. There is no waiting for Lady Maria, they will join us at our table.”

  I feel Maria stiffen a little, but then nod her head and smile. We follow the lady in all her fussy glory.

  Maria leans down to me and addresses me quietly. “I'm sorry about this. Just do your best okay. Remember it's always an option to just smile and nod.”

  Maria straightens her back and then Lady Maria, in full force, comes out to play. “Thankyou for being such a gracious host Lady Angie. The wait would have been quite bothersome. Ah and young master Rupert is here as well.”

  A young man, probably slightly older than me, stood up in a hurry when we approached. He gives both of us a flustered bow.

  Both lady Angie and Maria take their seats when the server pulls the chair out for them. I try my best to follow their actions. Allowing myself to be seated by the butler guy. I have to say, I fucking nail it. My long skirt stays on point, I don't knock anything over, and I manage to not choke myself out by slouching with a corset on.

  Not that I’ve been slouching much lately. I am developing some new fun back aches, I guess years of bad habits take some pain to fix.

  “And who might this delightful young lady be?” Lady Angie asked. I know she knows already, I can hear it in her tone. Also the metal choker that stops me from exploding is still on full display.

  “This is a new addition to my household. Miss Tangerine Stone.” Huh, I'm being fully claimed into her family then. Gotta say feels pretty good. I try to suppress a grin, but a faint smile slips out.

  “Another one for the new class then?” Lady Angie asks. “How many is that now?”

  “Eleven.” Maria states openly.

  “Do you think the class will start soon? Our poor Rupert here has been on the waiting list for ever so long.”

  I look back over to Rupert, I guess he's going to be one of my new classmates.

  Oh no.

  He’s giving me the look.

  The one I used to pretend I didn't see from Taylor.

  I'm sat opposite him as well. Was this on purpose? I look back over to Lady Angie. The bitch is smirking! This was on purpose! Fuck!

  “It's a pleasure to meet one of my new classmates.” He said, while looking directly into my eyes.

  “Well, hopefully.” I said. Giving the clip holding my collar a little rattle, that freaked him out, he twitched back ever so slightly.

  I hoped to have scared him off. But no, now he leans in harder. Look dude I know the fit is immaculate. Hell I left my hair down and did my eyes today. I checked myself out in the mirror this morning. Black hair, blue eyes, ‘ I'm the fucking mommy’ fit. Gotta say I was edging over from pretty to hot.

  I'm complaining about how hard it is to be pretty again, aren't I.

  [Yes.]

  ‘Nobody asked you.’

  “Miss Tangerine, I heard you only arrived recently. How are you finding our realm?” He asked. But he's heard everything about me, Maria's household is a tight ship. But maids are gonna gossip.

  “It certainly has been an adjustment. But I find the City to be full of so many wonders.” I channel my inner Bridgerton, a quick glance to Maria shows that she's smiling. I think she is pleased. I know I'm crude as hell most of the time, but I can turn it on if I need to.

  “We hopefully have the twelfth students arriving soon.” Maria continues her conversation with Lady Angie, cutting us off. Thank God. “The class should start within the next few weeks. I have been preparing Tangerine for it.”

  Ahh she's giving Lady Angie the heads up, which has made the tall hatted woman very happy.

  “Rupert?” A soft voice comes from behind me. A tall girl comes into view and stands beside our table. Blonde hair, Hazel eyes and she towers over me. At least six foot.

  Mommy please.

  She is stunning as well, got that whole ice queen vibe going on that I just want to melt for. Rupert is handsome as fuck as well, for a guy. So are most of the customers here now that I think about it.

  Huh. I wonder if there is some fuckery going on around here? I know that Nobles are too inbred for them to all be this hot.

  Rupert quickly rises to meet the new girl. Do I need to stand up too? I peek at Maria and she shakes her head subtly. Fucking love having her in my corner.

  “Miss Daisy.” He said to the new girl. “I didn't expect to meet you here. We just happened to run across Lady Maria and Miss Tangerine Stone. They were informing us about the start of the new Class.”

  He was quick to explain to her, I guess they know each other well? Shit, are they betrothed or something? I really don't want to be involved in another love triangle.

  Miss Daisy gave me the coldest look you could in polite society. Right down her nose at me. Straight villainess aura.

  Fuck, I’m wet.

  No Tangerine please. Don't do this again, she's just another Erica fucking Swells. No more bad bitches. I need to find this world's Penny.

  “The two of you certainly look cosy.” She said, as cold as ice. (I'm willing to sacrifice.)

  Fuck, that a love triangle flag. I need to divert. “I don't know about cosy.” I said. “This is all very different to what I'm used to. But it's certainly a comfort to meet members of the class that I'm going to be working with.”

  I stand and offer my hand to her, not like a hand shake, turned down so she can take it. Really hope that's not super rude or anything. “May I ask Miss Daisy, will you also be in my class?”

  Miss Daisy takes my hand. Fuck yes, the girl is nearly a foot taller than me, I look up at her with all the sparkles in my eyes that I can muster.

  “...Yes.” She said, after a brief pause. Her eyes are full of calculation. “I was the seventh to join, I have not been waiting as long as Master Rupert.”

  Yes, that's right bitch, do the math, see that I’m no threat.

  I smile back at her. “Oh, that's good.” I said. I don't take my hand away, I don't even look away from her face. I’m fully committing to the message that ‘ I’m hers ’. An act of course. The blush is on purpose.

  She breaks the spell first. Lets go of my hand and turns away. I return to the table shyly.

  Shyly on purpose. I am acting.

  [Liar.]

  ‘Shut up.’

  I look around the rest of the table. Maria is barely containing a laugh, Rupert looks crestfallen, and Lady Angie looks angry. What the hell lady? I did my best to not fuck up your sons betrothal or whatever it is. Shouldn't you be happy?

  Oh shit is this a harem thing? Did they want me as wifey number two?

  ‘Gestalt, do they do harems here? Do I need to look out for that as well?’

  [Not amongst human society.]

  Thank God.

  ‘Then why is she pissed?’

  [We do not know. But we would assume that you are now a better match for her son than Miss Daisy. Being part of Lady Maria's family makes you extremely valuable.]

  “I won't keep you.” Miss Daisy said to Rupert. “I just couldn't bear not to greet you.” mission success, the bitch feels like I’m no threat.

  I keep it to a minimum for the rest of the lunch. The tea and cakes were insanely good. Took all my will power not to go full beast mode on the surgery delights.

  ***

  Once safely on the private barge that took us back home, Maria couldn't help but break into a fit of laughter.

  “You did excellently Tangerine. You far exceeded my expectations.”

  Holy shit.

  When was the last time someone said something like that to me? Her expectations were probably low, but still!

  When was the last time I met expectations, let alone exceeding them?

  I just blush and lower my head. I don't really know how to handle praise.

  “Tangerine.” Maria starts delicately. “Are you a homosexual?”

  Woah. Ohhh. Oh fuck.

  This is basically the Victorian era, do they burn gays at the stake here?

  “How do people feel about homosexuals here?” I ask. Committing to nothing.

  She pauses for a moment. Thinking best how to answer me. “It is complicated.” She gives a little sigh. “There are all manner of species and cultures here in the City of Door. There is a certain level of acceptance of others that needs to happen for the city to function.”

  She took my hand in hers. “There is also a certain amount of leeway for Rift Officers. It's hard to impose society's will on an individual that can flatten society if given cause.”

  “But you are not a Rift officer yet, and while we have to be accepting of other species, human society is less accepting of their own. You will find no prejudice in my home. But outside, just be careful okay.”

  I just nod my head.

  She gives me a sad smile and the second hug of the day.

  ***