The eastern wing is eerily quiet compared to the SHITSTORM full of lasers. And look, their footsteps also did that cliche thing where they bounced off!
Where’d the Marchers go? Where are the other people running around? Something feels really off, all of a sudden.
“I don’t like this…” Said Ray.
“That’s what I’m sayiiiiin’!” I spread my arms at the empty halls. “Well, if it’s any comfort, they don’t like you either!” Not sure what I was going with, but Raymond doesn’t say anything back, which is SO outta character for her?
Could it be she’s scared shitless for her ‘hubby’ that managed to do the split-eyes look? Or could it be the fact that I threatened her life?
Those are the hard-hitting questions and answers WE deliver to you, everyday!
“Uuuh…!” Ooh, looks like the Confuse wore off!
“Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey.” I say softly.
“Whah… what happened??” he says a little weakly. “And why do I taste… minty?”
“Well, brother, that’s because I’m really hygienic AND do some flossing from time to time, you’re WELCOME!!”
“Huh.” “What.” Milo and Raymond overlap their questions and they almost achieve unisonimity!!
“Basically, you fell into a really deep sleep, so you know ya’ boy—!” I pointed at myself. “—had to give an even deeper kiss!”
As Milo was gripping his head, the violet harpy did what she does best. “WHAT?!”
“Yeah, it was really passionate and with a whole lotta ton—”
Milo just jabs me while I was narrating our lovely time!!
“AHHH~~! You fuahahaha~! YOU FUCKING THE SHIT OUTTA MEEEE~~~!”
So yeah, I basically got SEXUALLY ASSAULTED by Milo and his girlfriend and her best friend just watch me get FUCKED!!
He tickles me SO bad, I slip his hold to escape the storm rapper, and stumble inside class and—
…
Is that a dead body…?
. . .
“WAAAAAAH!!!” My body twists and turns back to my party…
Milo hits the doorframe in pursuit of me, sees it and— “Oh FUCK!!” His chair-leg clatters to the floor.
Raymond doesn’t even get a word in before she went to pin herself to Milo’s back.
“Nononono—!” Sarah started grabbing clumps of her hair and slammed herself into a wall… she also turned into a small, human ball…
…
…
Shit, It’s Mr. Rogers…! He was… such a chill guy, with his hawaiian shirts and dad jokes…
“OhmyGod, there’s MORE!!” Screamed Ray, as she pointed at two more bodies, carved with precise, geometric patterns of laser burns.
…
“This is real."
Oh no...
"THIS IS ALL FUCKING REAL!!!”
Those people who died by bird shit were REAL!!
Those people who got flipped inside a bus were REAL!!
I need to get HOME! I need to FIND my PARENTS!! I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!!!!
“R-ray, you gotta move—” Milo tries to peel the hellspawn off his back, but he doesn’t even notice she’s slamming his windpipe shut with her bear-hug…
Sarah is shuddering so hard her glasses fall off and skip across the tiles.
What the fuck HAPPENED here!! Did they have a STARING contest with the death machines? Did they ACTUALLY believe their pre-recorded message?!
I just want to get the fuck out of this room, before I puke my guts out, s-something colorful in his left hand catches my eyes…
…I go in a little closer and kneel beside him. In his hand was a steampunk-y, colorful old watch with the bells on top!
Hold on!
<[Tinfinity March]>
[…]
Clocks destroyed: 1/4
…
. . .
[Target Available]
…Motherfuck…
It would be so easy… But as I look at Mr. Rogers’ face, and the thought of turning him into a slave just because there’s no other options…
I can’t do it! I just can’t. Maybe I’m the world’s biggest pussy, but…
Whatever dignity the System stole from him, I can’t take some as well.
“Fucking pussy…” I whisper to myself. “Let’s move on. There’s nothing we can do for ‘em…”
No one says anything, but one by one, they turn and leave. When it’s my turn to do the same, I take another look at the broken clock in Mr. Roger’s hands.
For the second time since the Awakening, I am beyond scared for what comes next.
“FREEZE!” I scream and the rest of my group is mortified. “Did anybody else hear that?” My question is IMMEDIATELY answered by the even heavier and even scarier footfalls of multiple bogeys!
“Inspect!”
“Fuck me, alright…” I say. “Clan? It looks like shit’s about to get real with these Level 5s…”
“How many?” Milo asks, his voice steady despite having turned brain-dead and after… our discovery…
I risk a quick peek around the corner. “Eight. Maybe nine.”
Sarah’s face pales. “That’s way too many…!” She whisper-shrieks, well, next time, there’s not gonna be a next time, but NEXT TIME!! Pick a fucking Class and… Uuuugh…
Grimace positions herself slightly in front of Sarah and she shifts into something more edgy and ‘cool’. “We can handle it.”
…
Who THE FUCK is we?!
“WE… need a plan.” Okay, if she says ANOTHER negative thing about me, then we can go full asshole on her, but until then, we need to live in the present.
The Level 5s are not that bigger than their previous Levels, managing to reach and even surpass the thigh a bit! The designs and on the robot seem more and more detailed and their eyes’ bulbs also… got bigger. Love me some of that progressiveness…
Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
An iota of a plan forms!
“Eyo, MC.” I say with a smile spreading across my face. “Is your strength at 31?”
“Yyyyyes?” He flexes his hand and holy shit… It’s really defined, bigger and meaner.
“Hmmmh~…” Guess who.
“Just put one in my skull already…”
“What?” Said Milo. Oops, how did that one get outta the think dome? Let’s remedy that, shall we? “It’s nothing, brotato, just me wishing death on person of self.” Hmmm… the line was `Nothing`, David…
“*Khm*… so the general plan is you playing air hockey with these asswipes.”
I don’t have time to elaborate any further as the first Marcher rounded the corner and it’s eyes took on a purple glow.
“Scatter!” I shout and dive INSIDE an open locker.
*PEWWWWW*
With two yanks, I pull open my door and that of my neighbors. Not sure what I was thinking, because I remember that laser can go through ANYTHING!!
[-11]
“FUUUCK!!”
I rip sideways out of the heat, but it STILL hurts a lot. I slide across the tiles where there’s now a laser rave.
[-15] [-13]
I flatten myself against the floor as something MASSIVE sails over my head.
Marchers.
Ah yes, imitation is the highest form of flattery. I guess kisses are in second place or something…
But then, a shadow JUMPED up at the cluster of metal fuckers. It’s RAY and she swipes at the metal of the clankers with only her nails.
“RAAAAH!”
[-3] [-3] [-3] [-3] [-3] [-3]
Huh, A+ for effort, at the very least. But if she doesn’t move right FUCKING now, she’ll be… completely alright? For some reason, the energy buildup in the Marcher’s eyes disappears, and Ray manages to make a swift escape.
I jump on the lockers above and manage to make ‘em fall to the ground, ON TOP of the Robots!
[-49] [-37]
“Go, team!” shouted Sarah from a safe distance. “You CAN do this, I believe in you!!”
Milo feels really inspired and touched and BARRELS in like a wrecking ball, and without his Skill! Just the energy and attitude of an oily, muscle-man.
*Thok* *Thok* *Thok*
[-10] [-10] [-10]
“M! If kneecaps were the goal, then that WAS really fucking-badass!!” The joints of the Marchers were now a gray salad. “But next time, go for their heads!”
“Copy!” he grunts and pistons forward
[Critical Hit — (-20)] [Critical Hit — (-20)] [Critical Hit — (-20)]
[+39 XP]
ALRIGHTY then! Seven or eight more to go! My body is positively vibrating with that something else from the courtyard!! Now let’s just hope that—
I catch the wannabe Leela flashing Milo a fierce grin, her nails caked with metallic dust from her earlier attacks. “That’s my Milobear!” She shrieks. Aaaand it’s ruined… “Crush their stupid tin face!”
Two Marchers turn towards her voice and the purple begins to glow in their eye sockets. How ‘bout that, even ROBOTS found her really annoying!
“RAY, GET DOOOOWN!!” Jesus Christ, can you possibly scream that a bit louder? My eardrums are still intact…
But nah, Ray wanted to look really cool or something, cuz she just stood her ground and gave a Marcher the fuck-me eyes, for lack of better phrasing. Ohmigod, is she batting her eyelashes at it?
The Marcher’s purple glow flickers, dims, and then just doesn’t shoot.
The delay or whatever it was, gave her plenty of room to go behind it and scratch it some more.
[Critical Hit — (-6)] [Critical Hit — (-6) [Critical Hit — (-6) [Critical Hit — (-6)]
“David!” Shit, she’s calling me, fuck did I do now? “Either help or get the fuck out of our way!”
I’m gonna kill you one day, hoe...
I sprint along the wall and I spot a fire extinguisher mounted near the water fountain. My Dexterity’s basically all I have going for me, so to not QUADRUPLE down on it would be really dumb!
I leap in the air and snatch the red canister and go behind a Marcher that was also behind someone, MY Milobear!
“EY skin-job!” I yell, but the Robot pays no attention to me. Really unfortunate because I blast it FULL in its back with a cloud of chemical spray!
[-0]
Ok, why show me this, dear floating UI, i have no idea. I finally get the Marcher’s attention on me.
*SMASH*
[Critical hit — (-6)]
*PEWWWWW*
GODDAMN, I’m weak… At least I managed to break its HOT gaze. The laser fired upwards, right where the sprinkler system connects, apparently, because water started raining on our heads and across the entire hallway!
Fuck, my bitchass need some ‘roids in it… Luckily, i have the next best thing.
[Strength: 5 ? 11]
“FOAAAAH!!!” MOTHER OF ALL FUCKS, that feels WUNDABAH!!!
[Critical Hit — (-11)] [Critical Hit — (-11)] [Critical Hit — (-11)] [Critical Hit — (-11)] [Critical Hit — (-11)] [Critical Hit — (-11)]
[+ 39 XP]
“DAVID, you absolute GENIUS!!” Sarah called out, with her hair already plastered from the impromptu shower. “They’re metal! The water will—!”
“Do absolutely jack shit, cuz they’re magically animate, not electrical!”
*PEWWWWW*
I finish her sentence AND dodge a laser to the face! “But it does make the floor slippery as fuck!”
The Marchers’s heavy metal feet slide on the wet tiles and become less precise. One of them crashes into a wall…
Meanwhile, WE are doing just fine, even Milo with average Dexterity is in his element!
“Ray! Boost!!” Milo calls out and she immediately gets what he means!
She runs towards him, even slides baseball-style across the wet floor, and he catches her arm, swinging her in a complete circle before releasing her like a missle toward a clustered pair of Marchers.
What the fuck, I wanted to do that, too…
“Weeeee~!” Man, unlucky i guess, i just— wait, were her nails that long before?
[Critial Hit — (-6)] [Critical hit — (-6) [Critical Hit — (-6)] [Critical Hit — (-6)] [Critical Hit — (-6] [Critical Hit — (-6]
“That’s my girlfriend!” Shouted Milo proudly, before charging straight at the damaged bots.
How is she SO fast?! And that fucking damage, does she get fucking A HUNDRED points per Level or what?!? Man, FUCK Hoarder, I want what she has!!
Milo’s attacks are so hectic, I’m not sure even HE knows what’s up! He drives his pipe into the a Marcher’s midsection, takes a big swing, full-circle, so that he puts distance between the Marchers and him—
[-10] [-10] [-10]
—and finally, FINALLY, he pins ONE of them to the lockers and VIOLENTLY and super MANLY, he brings the bented pipe in the Marcher’s skull, over and over—
[Critical Hit — (-21)] [Critical Hit — (-21)] [Critcal Hit — (-21)]
The Marcher slumps, but one of his partners swivels and FIRES a purple beam that catches Milo across his back.
[-11]
“Fuck!” he grunts and rolls away.
“Milo!” Ray’s playfulness shtick vanishes and is replaced with murderous intent. She kicks under the feet of the Robot, knocking it to the ground, and she drives her fingers RIGHT in the poor thing’s eyes…
[Critical Hit — (-6] [Critical Hit — (-6)] [Critical Hit — (-6)] [Critcal Hit — (-6)]
At the berth Raymond made, Milo grips the Marcher and finishes it up by ripping its head off…
[+39 XP]
I feel a really strange thrill watching them work together, watching us ALL work together! Sarah, too, with her loud screams and enthusiasm!!
“David, on your six!” See?! Oh wait, SHIT!!
I spin just as a Marcher looms under me, with its eyes already bright purple and ready to fire. HOW THE FUCK are they so stealthy all of a sudden?!
No time to dodge, so instead, I drop flat to the floor and sweep my leg into his small-ish body.
*PEWWWWW*
[-11] [-11] [-11] [-11]
[+39 XP]
HOLY SHIT, I managed to make it fall and fire into the bot Ray was giving it to!
“Yes!!” I laugh. “Friendly fire is ALWAYS enabled, assholes!!”
“Four down, four more to go!” Sarah called out, somehow keeping perfect count despite the chaos! “Milo, I think that one’s trying to send that Ping! Stop it!!” Not sure that’s how it works, but—
Milo changes direction mid-stride with surprising fluidity and grace! He leaps up and brings both fists down on its apple-sized head.
[Critical Hit — (-18)] [Critical Hit — (-18)]
The Marcher’s head caves inward like a crushed soda can and I manage to hear some garbled static, instead of the soft chime.
What’s worst is that IT’S still alive, doomed forever to wonder—
[Critical Hit — (-21)] [Critical Hit — (-21)]
[+39 XP]
Oh, nevermind, looks like—
“RAY, WATCH OUT!!” I scream as Marcher was about to shoot her in the back!
She heard and turned in time to give it the penance stare. Once AGAIN, they don’t fire— oh no, wait, it does fire this time,
t does fire this time, but they burn the lockers, missing her by inches.
“Thanks for the pause, tin-can.” She says and blows him a kiss before raking her claws across its joints.
[-3] [-3]
AAAAAGH~~!!
That was SO FUCKING COOL, HOLY SHIT!! This is it, this, THIS!! THIS IS WHAT I WAS MISSING!!
I spot a Marcher charging towards me, and just like last time, I drop on all fours, but I SKITTER towards it and BRING it down! I also lift its head up, so that precious discharge doesn’t get wasted!
[-11] [-11] [-11] [Critical Hit — (-22)] [Critical Hit — (-22)] [Critical Hit — (-22)]
“FAAWKING BUUUULLSEYE!!!”
I also manage to cut through a water spray and create a brief rainbow!!
“Thanks, Lil D!” Said Milo, as he turned to give the Marcher the ol’ two hitter-quitter!
[Critical Hit — (-21) ] [Critical Hit — (-21)]
[+39 XP]
“No problemo, buckaroo!!” I scream.
“David, your face…” Sarah says, sounding concerned even through the battle noise!
I don’t know what my expression looks like, nor can I feel it much, but I can hazard a guess tha' my lips are stretched into a grin that prolly looks unhinged.
My thoughts on this matter are… WHO CARES~~~?!?! THIS IS THE MOST ALIVE I’VE EVER FELT~~~~~!!
“Just having fun dear, nothing to worry your head about!”
[+39 XP]
“Alright, if you say so… Don’t forget there’s two left!”
Milo’s already on one of its ass, going for its jaw hinge and SMASHING that shit repeatedly until the whole faceplate hangs at a grotesque angle.
[Critical Hit — (-21) [Critical Hit — (-21)] [Critical Hit — (-21)] [Critical Hit — (-21)
[+39 XP]
That leaves one, and it looks like it’s backing up and prepping for a final stand.
Ray got lasered somewhere in all that kababble, and Milo’s looking outta breath! As for me, I’m feeling the bloodlust like never before!!
The last Marcher is really smart. It positioned itself in a corner to maximize its field of fire! Direct approach would not be a fun time.
Instead—
“I’ve got an idea!” I say, and I follow it by “”Loot!”-ing some Marchers.
[Scrap of Metal] x2 [Scrap of Metal] x1 [Scrap of Metal] x2
The shittiest part of the System is that it doesn’t come with the infinite Inventory space. So all the loot you end up Looting ends up in your pockets. I totally get why, though. This IS a Survival-RPG and it looks like the System is hellbent on fucking us over, BUT!!
In this instance, humans come out on top.
[-2] [-5] [-5] [-3] [-8] [-2] [Critical Hit — (-18)]
All the dogshit loot I’ve been hurling around got thrown right in this fucker’s little face!
“Milo, gimmie a boost!”
He nods and practically does the same thing he did with Grimace. My ass is grass and I go back to throwing shit, but IN THE AIR!!
[-1] [-5] [-2] [-6] [-3]
To say that the Marcher had a good time would be… complete fucking bullshit. Being showered in with the limbs and guts of your fellow whatever-you-are would mess ANYBODY up, including Robots, I believe!
“RUSH IT, RUSH IT, RUSH IIIIT!!”
Milo roars and pushes forward with ALL his might! Ray had her way with it, whilst I just threw even MORE pieces of scrap before gravity did its job.
[-3] [-3] [-2] [-4] [Critical Hit — (-21)]
[+39 XP]
[Level Up]
…
“Get FUCKING SHIT OOOON!!” A wave of cheers and roars washes over us!"
“Milobear you were amazing with those moves~! And your ass…” OOOOookay, 'course she had to ruin it
“Hehe, love… what did we talk about showing off…?” But his words fall on deaf ears, as Raymond carefully draped herself over him, without touching his wounds, all while planting kisses on his face.
Then she turned to Sarah, who gingerly approached the gang with a warm smile. “And you with the warnings. MVP support right here!!” Huh, thought that title went to me, but oh well…
“And you…” Said Raymond as she turned to me. “I guess you did something, as well…”
In return, I close my eyes and smile. Only one word escapes my lips. “Soon.”
“What?”
I just keep on smiling.
…
“SO! Who wants to go to the cafeteria? I bet we can find MORE toys to break and some snacks!”
“Are you insane?” Ray asks, but Milo is grinning back at me. SLOOOOWLY!! But surely…
“I could go for a bite.” He says, then he winced cuz of the burns… “After some healing, of course…”
“I swear, y’all are getting addicted to this.” She was SO on the money there! Plus, could she really blame us? This shit was, as corny as it sounds, next level.
I look one last time at the destroyed pieces of scrap, at the ruined hallway, and all that goes through my head is that I want more. ALSO, judging from the looks of Milo and Ray, they’re not too far behind!
