It was ten in the evening on an early November night. The subtle chill that came with this time of year must’ve been a nice change of pace from the hot and humid days of early autumn, although not one I had the luxury of enjoying at this moment. Between class, studying, club, more studying, and more class, I had been trapped on campus from dawn to dusk. Even now, I was preoccupied with an impromptu study session.

  It was a round table meant for four, although at present it seated half a dozen. I was well acquainted with everyone, although I’d be hesitant to call them friends.

  Seated to the right of me were Max and Maeve. I thought of them as a pair, and so did most everyone else, although it seems they hadn’t quite realized it themselves. Ostensibly, they came to this meeting to work through some of the practice problems for the upcoming midterm, but I doubt they’d gone over a single one in the hour we’d been there.

  Well, they may not have been very reliable if you actually wanted to get work done, but their interactions were enjoyable enough, and I’m sure the rest of the group felt the same.

  Across from me sat Lucas, and to his right Erik. Mainstays of our group and people that I’ve known since freshman year. Both are smart in their own right, although some of their personal tendencies left me a bit apprehensive about getting much closer to them. Nothing serious, of course, just a bit too…loud for my liking.

  And then there was Austin. He brought the group together, both tonight and in general. He’d been out sick for the past week, and this study session was meant to catch him up on some of the bits and pieces that slipped through the cracks. At least that’s what it was on the surface, although by now we were running through course material from the beginning of the semester, wondering how he even made it to this point of the semester without dropping.

  He was by no means a dumb guy. He certainly has a penchant for social skills, and he’ll probably go further in life than I will, but I also get that feeling that he’s not much of a math guy. Probably not ideal for a prospective engineer.

  “Izak, can you take a look at problem two for me? From this week’s homework.”

  Last but not least, there was me. Not that it was really possible to take an objective look at myself, but I never really thought I fit in with this group. That’s not to say that I wasn’t outgoing enough, or that I didn’t have my role here; I just didn’t really care much for the other members. Aside from Austin, that is.

  We went to high school together and ended up roommates during our first two years. He knows me best, and I know him best, that sort of thing. Even now, he’s probably aware of some of the thoughts I’m having while scanning the table. Not that I’m bad at maintaining appearances.

  He’d probably prefer it if I could be a bit closer with my peers, which is part of the reason that he gets me to come to these sorts of things. Not the only reason. I’m actually quite good with the course material. Not the most useful as a tutor, since it’s generally intuitive for me. But I at least know the answers and the process, just not the best at explaining why I chose that process and so on.

  I don’t really care for his efforts to get me to socialize, but he’s a good guy, and a friend I can trust.

  “Problem two, huh?”

  I’d actually been pretty quiet until this point; it’s been mostly Lucas and Erik helping Austin while I kept busy, but it seems that their efforts hit a dead end here.

  Looking at the problem, I could hardly blame them. It had a pretty complex solution, and involved a lot of concepts from earlier in the semester that had probably left their minds by the end of the first midterm.

  “Here’s my work, hand me yours so I get an idea of where you went wrong.”

  “Thank you so much, Izak, dearest.”

  Austin also had a little habit of being a little flamboyant with people he was close to.

  I watched as Austin read through my work. I could tell from the start that he was confused about things. Not that I wanted to jump to conclusions, but I got the feeling that I might have a long night ahead of me.

  “Khmm, Austin, your work, please.”

  “Ahh, sorry, sorry. Here you go.”

  Austin spoke as he pulled a collection of papers from his folder and handed them over to me. It was a neat document, stapled in the corners, with handwriting of a quality rarely seen in our major.

  The appearance may have been impeccable, but the content less so. Looking through it, I didn’t even know where to start.

  “Austin, to be honest, this is awful. I don’t even know where to start here.”

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  He just looked at me with an aloof smile as I spoke.

  “I also have the 8:00 am registration slot tomorrow, so I can’t exactly stick around forever.”

  Lucas interjected.

  “Just go over it from the beginning. You register online anyway, just go to bed when it’s done.”

  Erik added.

  “You’ve gotta put in the work if you want your boyfriend to graduate on time.”

  Seems they were looking to offload Austin on me so that they could go bar hopping or the like. A bit annoying. Not that I’m envious, but I think that my argument for leaving early is a bit more legitimate.

  A bit annoyed, I looked back at Austin’s work and asked.

  “Is graduating on time still in the cards for you?”

  “Not a chance!”

  “You should sound a bit more concerned, no?”

  “No use crying over spilled milk. How are your credit hours, though? You seem to be the type to graduate early and leave me alone and destitute.”

  “I’ll be at 80 after this semester. I’ll take a few extra classes next semester so that I can focus on job searching during my senior year.”

  Tapping my finger on the table.

  “If I can get into the classes I need, of course.”

  Erik, noticing that they might have pissed me off a bit, jumped in.

  “Come on, Izak. Forgoing your academic duties to hang out with your friend is an integral part of the college experience. I mean, look at Max and Maeve. They said they’d work on the midterm study guide, but spent the whole time flirting instead; truly model college students.”

  Max turned beet red, and Maeve might’ve as well if not for her darker complexion.

  The four of them spent the next few minutes with pointless bantering as Austin worked to break them up.

  Max and Erik were a bit indelicate at times, but they had a point. Two and a half years of college, and I can’t really say that I care for the lifestyle. I go through the motions. Attend class, go to a club that I don’t really care about, and pop out for drinks occasionally. I do enough to fit in and get good grades, but I can’t really say that I’m applying myself, not that I even have to.

  Sometimes I find myself thinking it would be nice if school were a bit harder, like it is for Austin, or wanting to be more social like Lucas and Eric. It might even be nice to have an awkward romance like Max and Maeve. And as much as I yearn for these things, I know that they are just not who I am.

  I wonder why; everyone else seems to do fine. Even my siblings did well with it, so why am I so different?

  “Austin, we’ll go through the homework, but that’s it. Please listen closely.”

  The rest of the group, pleased with the scene, turned their bickering to teasing Austin and me. An annoying reaction that was not helped by Austin placing his hand on my shoulder with a fake teary expression as he said.

  “I knew you wouldn’t abandon me.”

  I guess it’s fine, but sometimes I can’t help but want something more.

  …

  “See ya Izak.”

  “Yeah, see you later.”

  Standing outside the library, I watched as Austin waved goodbye and walked to his dorm. Lucas and Erik left at eleven. Max and Maeve awkwardly stayed for a little longer as they looked for the right excuse to exit, which left Austin and me together for the better part of the session.

  I took a look at my phone: 1:34 am. Things ran a bit longer than I had hoped, but at least I got through the homework with him. I could only rub my eyes and begin the trek home.

  It was the same path every day. Scenic, especially with the city lights illuminating things at night. A bit of a shame that you can’t see the stars, though.

  I lived a good bit off campus. Was the cheapest option for me, and I enjoyed it a lot at first. The long commute gave me some time to unwind. I’d listen to music or observe the little happenings around me, but with time, it grew dull. I’ve seen what there is to see, and I guess I’d like a little variety. Probably asking too much of a simple commute.

  There is one part of the journey home that intrigued me, however. A little detour from the main path that leads to a stormwater drainage area. The path, a thin wooden boardwalk, crossed over an artificial pond used for stormwater drainage.

  Despite its more industrial purpose, the pond itself was surrounded by a robust collection of plants and trees. The foliage was so dense that it even overhung and obstructed the entrance from the main road, which is probably a clue as to why this area didn’t garner much foot traffic.

  Despite its obscurity, it really was a nice spot. Not great for hanging around, being that there’s nowhere to sit or really anywhere to comfortably loiter, but the wildlife was a good break from the cityscape that I’d grown so accustomed to. In all, the area was only the size of a city block, but it left a deeper impression on me than everything else on my walk to school.

  I couldn’t drop by every day. I had probably never gone when it was so late either. Still, I found myself crouched on a little wooden walkway, staring into that small pond. During the day, I would notice frogs, birds, and insects dancing around in their jumbled and incoherent orchestra. Sometimes I could even see a little fish poke its head from under the surface. It was mostly the same, but always subtly different.

  Today, however, there was nothing to be seen. I suppose the various wildlife that made the day so busy must’ve all been asleep. Or maybe the winter weather didn’t lend itself to much activity in general. Whatever the case, it was quiet, which was certainly new, but I couldn’t say that I enjoyed it.

  More than just quiet, it was also dark. There were no streetlights. Just the lights of the city barely poking through the trees. Still, this faint radiation was enough to make out my silhouette on the water’s surface.

  The image grabbed my attention. It had an eerie feeling. One that I felt compelled to understand. I thought that I might be able to find a message on the surface of that calm, dark water. Just as poets and artists could see the most mundane landscapes and paint a beautiful picture…I looked for a reason to enjoy this scene delivered nothing but discomfort.

  A pointless pursuit. The type that I had grown accustomed to. Nonetheless, time felt as though it stopped as I poured my whole being into those depths. Perhaps the hope for something more was good enough.