Qzar24

  Hello Future Alice,

  New York is awesome! Jessie, Robin, and I are having such a fun time. Wicked had me crying SO HARD. When Elphaba flew up into the air??!! And HER VOICE!!!

  I mean, I know it had to be wires and smoke, but the magic of Broadway hits differently. After the performance both me and Jessie had to switch our votes and agreed to go to Hadestown with Robin tomorrow.

  Next year, when I have vacation days again, I’m going to book us a whole week so we can see all the shows we want.

  New York pizza is pretty cool, but I don’t think it’s worth the hype. Pizza is pizza. Being able to buy a ready-to-go slice basically everywhere you go is pretty cool. But it’s not worth the pne ticket.

  Getting to walk around Central Park was fun. It was bigger than I expected. The movies don’t do it justice. We had a little picnic with our pizza. Robin chased a family of ducks. It’s been a nice distraction from my time in Florida.

  …

  Jessie held my hand as we walked.

  AAAAAAAAAA

  I mean, it was nothing major and it’s something we’ve definitely done in the past before, but it felt good! And then, as we were walking to dinner, Jessie sang Glinda’s part while I tried to sing Elphaba’s part of For Good! I was way off-key as usual, but I also didn’t care because Jessie doesn’t care.

  Ugh. I need to tell her. I mean, she’s sleeping right next to me and she has no idea what’s going on in my head. It feels like cheating. Because she thinks we’re still “just friends”…which we are. For now.

  Deep breaths girl.

  I really don’t want to screw up our New York trip. It’s only one more day and then a quick pne ride back home. I can risk my biggest friendship ter. Or I can say nothing and maybe the feelings will go away. It hasn’t even been that long since… and now I’m sad and don’t want to think about this anymore.

  Until next time future me.

  -----------------

  Hello Future Alice,

  Life is going slow today. Ever since breaking my daily streak, it’s been hard to get back into the routine. Maybe I don’t need the routine anymore. Life is going well. I have good friends, a good job.

  Speaking of the job. It turns out that my colleagues aren’t all total idiots. It all started when I called Stewart in to talk about the work he did on a project about a week ago. As usual it was filled with errors and bugs that I was having to fix and I was in a bad mood since my New York trip was over, so I decided to actually tell him about the problems.

  Then the weirdest thing happened. He said, “Oh, okay,” and walked out of my office like it was no big deal. Then, ter that day, I get an update from Stewart and he fixed all the problems in his section! I was pnning on doing it the next morning since I was busy working on Ryan’s stuff, but Stewart did it. He fixed it.

  I caught him as he was running out the door and asked him why he finally fixed the issues with his code this time and you know what he said? “What do you mean this time?”

  WHAT

  I called a meeting with my team the next day and found out that NOBODY realized I’d been fixing their code for the past two years. I didn’t know who was the bigger idiot. Me for never telling them they had problems or them for never realizing the obvious problems.

  It gets crazier. I go up to my boss and try to expin the situation so we can get some extra training scheduled and he tells me that he knew THE WHOLE TIME. He was all like, “why do you think I promoted you?” and “did you think I paid you twice as much than everyone else in your position for your looks?”

  Which…that part felt unnecessary, but whatever.

  So now, not only is my team getting special training, but I have to do leadership training because my boss sees me “having a future in this company” since I finally spoke up and started “acting like I was in charge”. I mean, I wasn’t pnning on leaving any time soon anyways, and now it’s clear they really aren’t going to fire me.

  In a weird way, I managed to get myself more work by realizing I shouldn’t have been doing so much work.

  So, that’s been the big thing this past week. Hmm…

  Maybe doing a weekly journal could be my new routine. It’s nice not feeling the pressure of trying to have something noteworthy to say about every single day of existence.

  Yeah….

  Until next time future me. Which is to say next week.

  ------------

  Hello Future Alice,

  NOPE

  I LIED

  Because holy shit I’ve got to talk about this absolute maniac in the NBE server.

  I decided to finally check on what the dies were talking about and I see these huge paragraphs of messages in multiple chats. At first I thought it was some newcomer who had a lot of enthusiasm, but, as I scanned their messages, I realized it was a guy!

  I felt a little guilty, but the idea of a guy wanting to grow boobs while still insisting he was a guy was too much of a coincidence. I went back through all of his messages and read everything.

  Turns out this dude got a “girlfriend” who was too nervous to talk in the discord herself and ask about NBE. I mean, who does he think he’s fooling? We’ve all been there. Doing something “just for fun” or “for our girlfriend”. But then, I remembered that’s what I thought about Josh and decided to keep an open mind.

  I’m gd I did too.

  Because the guy is an absolute madman. He was asking about supplements, diets, pumping, infusions, HRT, exercise, weight gain, the different macromastia theories, all the DIY information.

  It seemed like he’d scrolled through hundreds of messages and read a dozen research papers that had been posted in the server and he had questions about everything. The craziest part is this guy had only been in the server for about a week! What!?

  All this for his insecure, shy girlfriend. Apparently.

  The craziest part is, out of nowhere, he just leaves the server. Popped in, read EVERYTHING, and left. Just like that.

  Maybe his girlfriend found out? Or maybe he just wanted to waste our time? I don’t know, but that was weird.

  The regur crew was more or less fine. Obviously people had problems in life. I thought about venting about my breakup, but I’m feeling better and better about what happened every day.

  I keep thinking that I should reach out to Josh. Just to make sure he’s OK. He was in a dark pce when I left. And I could have handled things better. I think.

  But…I promised Jessie that I would go a whole month without contact to make sure my feelings were done processing. Which…I guess I should do that more if I still feel this urge to care for him.

  Healing is rough.

  Until next time future me. Which, who knows when that’ll be. (hey that rhymes!)

  ------------

  Hello Future Alice,

  Today might be one of the best days you ever have.

  Okay, fine, Jessie says hopefully this doesn’t even make it into the top 10. She’s clever like that. My GIRLFRIEND is clever like that. Hehehe.

  Entry 5

  Hello Future Alice,

  I’m not even mad about the break in format this time. I was so spent after st night that I couldn’t even think about writing anything in here.

  After I wrote about my GIRLFRIEND and showed it to her, we got to talking and talking and talking. Then we fell asleep in each other’s arms. Now she’s making me pancakes. Because she knows one of my biggest fantasies in life is my partner making me pancakes after our first night together.

  It’s so weird being in a retionship and already knowing the person. I’d be worried about not having anything to talk about since we already know so much about each other except we literally talked for hours st night and it was AMAZING!

  People who aren’t dating their best friends are really missing out. It’s like all the benefits of dating plus all the benefits of friendship. Which…duh. It’s hard to put into wor

  ------------------

  Hello Future Alice,

  It has been a looooong time hasn’t it?

  Things are good. I’m on the road for a leadership conference. Obviously things with Jessie are fantastic. It turns out that, when you’re dating your best friend, you don’t need to worry about all the normal retionship stuff.

  Is she gonna cheat on me? She’s Ace! Is she losing interest in me because we haven’t talked in too long? We’ve been together for over a decade already! Do I wish she was next to me right now so I could squeeze her and kiss her neck and py with her squishy butt instead of listening to a bunch of identical men in suits talk about a bunch of made-up terms that are supposed to make me a better leader?

  So not every problem is fixed when you date your best friend.

  But life has been so wonderful tely. Work is much easier now that I know that my team are simply uneducated instead of zy morons. The training went well and their code comes to me with far fewer issues than before. And, now, I can tell them to fix it.

  Suit guy #4 was talking about how one of the hardest challenges for people who get promoted is learning to be a boss instead of an employee. I resonate with that. It still feels wrong to tell the people on my team to do things, but they keep doing it.

  If anything, we’re actually closer than we used to be. It turns out Eric is huge into DnD. Stewart is dating a transman (what are the odds!).

  …Okay, so I guess just those two were secretly cool this whole time. But that’s still awesome! Jessie and I went on a date with Stewart and his boyfriend, Petey (am I spelling that right?). I successfully stopped myself from pointing out that the double date looked like two gay couples but actually consisted of two men and two women (biologically) since Stewart is a new potential friend and I don’t want to freak him out with my unique sense of humor.

  Jessie lost it when I told her on the drive home though. She’s the best.

  Let’s see….

  Nope. I think that’s all I’ve got today. Until next time future me!

  ----------------

  I already talked this over with Jessie, but her advice was to “do what I think it right.” Because she trusts me and my ability to make decisions. Ugh.

  What’s the issue?

  Jessie doesn’t want to have sex, which, yeah I get it. I always knew she was Asexual long before I realized I loved her. Which, let’s take a moment to appreciate how awesome it is to be able to say I love my girlfriend after only dating for a few weeks and it not feel weird at all.

  Anyways…

  I keep thinking about wanting to do it with other people. Sex. Except, Jessie doesn’t want to be involved which means I’d essentially be going out looking for another partner. Because I don’t want to do one-night stands (for so many reasons), so I really only want a person that’s basically a friend that I feel comfortable having sex with. But Jessie is definitely the one for me when it comes to a retionship.

  Which, like, is that a thing? Can you have a throuple where only two of the people have sex? And then how do I even find such a person? Jessie suggested dating apps, but those feel like shouting into the void. It’s depressing.

  I could look for kink groups. I’ve never done anything like that before. Jessie would probably come with me. Because she loves me and wants me to be happy. Ugh. She’s so amazing.

  Which…that’s the real problem. Me.

  If I said it would make me happy, Jessie would totally let me fuck her. She’d be amazing. And passionate. And she’d be authentic. She wouldn’t fake anything. Shit, I’ve heard her going at it with the suction toy she loves.

  But…it’s me. I can’t imagine having sex with her. The kissing and cuddling stuff is all wonderful. I can’t get enough of it. But the idea of going further with her is just…weird. I can’t even imagine it. I know she would say it’s okay, but it feels like it would be impossible for me to believe her.

  Masturbating helps. It’s almost like getting the urge out every now and then. Maybe that could be enough for me. And it’s not like I’m missing out on snuggly time or having my emotional needs met. I might be making a big deal out of nothing.

  Life is good.

  …

  A BBL could be fun though… It would be nice to feel better in my own skin. Looking into it further couldn’t hurt. Or I could do a fat transfer to my breasts. Or go straight for impnts. NineTails just got hers done and they look great.

  Hmm….

  Until next time future me.