Chapter 16.66 (Part 1)

  The young boy stared at the lifeless kitten in his hands. Rafael had always had a fascination with life and death, but more than anything he drew joy from being able to impose control over others. The family pet, a kitten named Patches was no different. From the day that little vulnerable creature was brought home, it made a point to avoid Rafael. Instead, it spent all of its time curled up on Rafael's younger brother Eric's lap. Never in his life had Rafael dealt with something that refused to give him even the slightest control. If that weak little creature refused to cede control to him, he would be forced to take matters into his own hands.

  Its neck snapped easily. His eleven-year-old hands were more than powerful enough to snuff out the life of that ungrateful beast. It had forced him to chase and corner it. It had even used its claws and teeth to try to gain power. But it was weak. He taught the worthless pest what happens to those who don't play his game.

  Of course, it would be bad for Rafael if his actions came to light. Even though he was clearly in the right for punishing the unappreciative creature, he knew his parents wouldn't understand. He had to make it all go away.

  ___

  Eight-year-old Eric responded to a frantic knocking on his bedroom door. When he answered, he found his older brother Rafael on the other side looking panicked.

  "Eric, what did you do?!" Rafael spat, clearly out of breath.

  Eric didn't understand. What did he do? He couldn't think of anything. But Rafael grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him toward the garage.

  "I don't understand Raf. I didn't do anything. Why are you so upset?"

  "Look at what you did!" Rafael practically yelled between tears. Eric followed his brother's eyes to the floor of the garage where he parked his bike earlier that day. His eyes opened wide.

  Motionless, beneath the front tire of his bike, was the broken corpse of Patches.

  Nothing made sense. Eric's entire world was overcome with grief and terror. This had been his first experience with death, so his immediate response was to pick up the kitten's lifeless body to try to wake it up. Of course, he would have no chance of succeeding.

  "Weren't you paying attention? How did you not see it there?" Rafael shook his brother, projecting alarm and concern.

  "I... I don't know... I thought I was looking... I don't know how..." As the gravity of the situation continued to grow in Eric's chest, his brother continued to push on.

  "This is really bad, Eric. Mom and dad are never going to forgive you. They might put you up for adoption. Or even worse, you're a murderer... You might go to jail forever and ever." The more Rafael spoke, the terror in Erics chest grew until it could no longer be contained.

  "I can't go to jail! What should I do? Help me, Raf! Please!" Hugging Patches to his chest, Eric begged his older brother for help. He had never been so scared in his life.

  "I'll help you because I'm your big brother and I love you. I know you'd help me if I ever needed anything, so it's only fair that I'd do the same." Rafael's response was oddly calm. A normal person might have found it odd, however for a terrified eight-year-old with infinite trust in his brother, Eric took Rafael's words as gospel. "We need to hide the body. We'll just tell mom and dad that Patches ran away."

  "Really? Is that okay? But what if mom and dad ask you what happened?" Eric fought back tears, seeing hope. His guilt still overwhelmed him, but his faith in his brother dwarfed everything else.

  "Don't worry Eric. I'll lie to them. I never lie, but I promise to tell them a lie for my little brother. I'd do anything to help you, even if it makes me feel bad. It's what brothers do for each other, right?" The slight smile formed on Rafael's face would have been enough to terrify anyone else, but not Eric. Eric trusted his brother.

  ___

  Years later, Raif nursed his third beer at the local dive. If he had anymore cash on hand, he would have kept drinking until he collapsed, but being in between jobs, his funds were limited.

  He'd told everyone around him that he was fired for his wild hair and tattoos, he claimed discrimination. But the reality was that he'd lost his temper and punched his boss after he had tried to talk to Raif about his poor attendance. It was just a stupid job as a record store clerk anyway, so why did his boss care whether Raif showed up for his shift or not?

  Raif scanned the bar, looking to see if he could find a way to improve his night without him having to spend money he didn't have. His eyes lingered on a petite mousy girl with long brown hair, on her back she carried some sort of massive guitar shaped instrument. From her demeanor alone, he could tell that she was already struggling with anxiety. If he had to guess, her friends or date had stood her up. She was perfect.

  ___

  Tara's body tensed as she looked around the bar. Her hand tightened its grip on one of the straps to her cello case, she could feel her pulse in her clenched hand. She rocked awkwardly causing her long corduroy skirt to shift. Suddenly her baggy wool sweater felt impossibly scratchy and suffocating.

  Beck was supposed to meet her there for some drinks after rehearsal, but he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe if she'd gone to the bar right after rehearsal she would have caught him, but she wanted to look nice. Of course Beck would have gotten bored and left before she arrived, who would want to go out of their way to spend time with her.

  She regretted bringing her cello. Initially she had thought that the cello would give her an excuse to be alone with Beck after the bar. Maybe they could go somewhere and practice. But now she stood in a packed college dive bar with an instrument that was bigger than she was.

  "That's not some sort of gun you're hiding in that massive case, is it? I'd have to get the police involved if it was." A friendly male voice inquired teasingly.

  She looked up to find a man who couldn't have blended in no matter how hard he tried. He wore a studded black leather sleeveless jacket over a bright red shirt from some sort of band, tight black jeans, and black spiked boots. His outfit was accented with spikes, chains, a collar, multiple wristbands, and countless piercings. He was covered from head to toe in tattoos. He had thick black makeup around his eyes. To top everything off, his hair was an incredibly tall green spiked mohawk. Compared to her, who had nothing other than her cello to make her stand out, this man was the epitome of flashy.

  He was also quite handsome. Aside from his wild fashion, he was slim, had a strong jawline, thick lips, and long eyelashes. If she had to guess, the man looked to be about ten years old than her, but it had more to do with the way he carried himself than anything else. He seemed to be experienced and well traveled.

  Why would he approach her?

  "It's a cello." Tara stated matter-of-factly. She had wished that she could have come up with some funny line to make him laugh, but in the current atmosphere she felt too suffocated to be witty.

  "A cello? Like one of those giant bass guitars?" The man pushed onward, ignoring her boring response. He acted as if she was the most interesting person in the room.

  "Yeah. Kind of. I'm a grad student in the music program, so I carry it with me a sometimes." Every word that escaped her lips made her feel more and more out of place. She was so boring, she didn't belong in a place like this. She especially didn't belong talking to a man who looked this interesting.

  "Bass guitar is cool. There's nothing cooler than a chick bass guitar player." The man grinned, continuing his original thought while he ignored what she said. Tara could tell he wasn't interested, like Beck, he wouldn't want to waste his time. But... "Hey, my name's Rafael, but everyone calls me Raif. You wanna have some drinks with me? I was just on my way out because I realized I left my wallet at home, but I'd really regret it if I left you like this."

  What was he saying? He really wanted to spend time with her?

  "Raif..." She tested his name on her lips. "People call me Tara. I mean... My name's Tara... I'm Tara."

  She blushed, realizing she could have gone with any of her three attempts to introduce herself. With each additional attempt to get it right just added to her awkwardness.

  "You don't look like a Tara. Maybe a Sarah. When I hear Tara, I think of someone a little edgier. Someone who stands out more. Not..." Raif let his statement disappear into the cacophony of the noisy dive bar.

  "I'm sorry. I know I'm kind of bland, especially to someone like you." Her heart ached, he put into words what she already thought about herself. So instead of taking it as an insult, she interpreted his statement as honesty.

  "It's alright. I would feel bad if I left you here. It's not like anyone else would come up and talk to you. People are assholes. But I'll stick around and chat." The wide grin spread across his face. A normal person might see ill intent behind it, but for someone who severely lacked self esteem, Tara only saw a smile from a kind man.

  "Thank you. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't approached me." Tara confessed her weakness to the grinning man, already feeling in debt. She owed him.

  "I'm a little embarrassed to admit it, but I'm going to have to rely on you for drinks. Remember, I was on my way home to get my wallet when I stopped to talk to you. It's worth it to not have to sit alone in a place like this."

  Tara only read his statement as genuine. It only made sense she'd buy his drinks. He was doing her a favor. She owed him.

  ___

  "I don't get why you care about that stupid audition." The green haired punk stated over the noise of the dive bar.

  It had been a few months since the night Tara and Raif had first met. It didn't take long for the two to start dating. Within a week, Raif had already moved into her apartment. Her friends and family were concerned that things were moving too fast, but Raif assured them that their love was special. He didn't let a conversation go by without reminding her of how much he loved her. She'd never met a man so open about his feelings.

  "I've dreamed of joining the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra since I was a little girl. It's not just an audition to me." Tara did her best to explain to the man she loved.

  "Look babe, you know I love you, right? That's why I work so hard to help you get your life together." His voice pierced her. She might have thought he was talking through her if she didn't understand how much he cared about her wellbeing. "I know that you used to care about stuff like that Philharmonic thing, but imagine what our crew would think if you did that. You'd be the laughingstock. I mean, I'm sure it was a cute dream when you were little, but how are you not embarrassed about it? It's really lame."

  Raif was right. Since they started dating, Tara had started hanging out more and more with his friends. The crew would definitely mock her for being in something like the Boston Philharmonic. Raif had already convinced her to hide that she played the cello, that she was finishing up grad school, and that she was a music major. It was worth it to be able to fit in with a group who was willing to accept her even if she was boring and average.

  "I've worked so hard for this... I know you're right, but I want to at least try." Tara rarely stood up to Raif, but this was something really important to her. Maybe he could get the crew to understand.

  "Look, babe. I wouldn't steer you wrong. I just think this is a really stupid idea." Raif placed a firm hand on her shoulder, letting her know that he would help her figure out what's best. "I was actually talking to a friend of mine. She's in a band and they're looking for a bass player. I told her I knew someone who played bass. It'd be perfect."

  "But I don't play bass. I play cello." Tara protested.

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  "It's the same thing."

  "I don't even own a bass." Suddenly, Tara was feeling very overwhelmed.

  "Why don't you just use some of your savings to buy one. It'll be a good investment for the band. It would be embarrassing if you showed up and didn't even own a bass or amp."

  It really would be embarrassing to show up to be the bass player without even owning the instrument. She didn't really even know how to play an electric bass, although she was confident that it wouldn't take long for her to learn.

  "I don't know. It's really a lot. I don't even know if I want to be in a band. I really want to do my audition." At this point, Tara was pleading for Raif to understand.

  "Do you have any idea how awkward it will make me look if I go back to my friend and tell her you decided not to be in the band? I already promised her you'd help. I mean, it's music and I know how much you love music. The band already has some gigs lined up and they really need someone on bass. This is a way you can make good money doing your music thing. I'm trying to help. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find ways for you to make a living for us with something like music? If you had gone to med school or something else that makes money we wouldn't be in this situation. But now you're going to take my hard work, the energy I used to help you find a way to make money with your music, and you're going to throw it out? And you're going to make me look like a fool having to explain that you changed your mind about being in the band?"

  The more Raif spoke, the more his frustration showed. He had worked so hard for Tara, this was all for her. He wanted what's best for her, right? What kind of horrible girlfriend would just throw away his hard work and humiliate him in the process. It was her fault that her chosen career made it harder and harder to cover their bills. It wasn't Raif's fault that nobody would hire him because of how he looked. She had to support them because they loved each other and that's what couples did.

  "I'm sorry..." She lowered her head, she owed Raif so much and she kept making things harder for him. She was lucky that he was so patient with her. Anyone else would have left her by now. "I'll get a bass and I'll try out for the band. I don't want to let you down again."

  "And?" He wouldn't settle for just that, Raif needed more. "What about the audition for that Boston thing?"

  Tears formed in her dead eyes. Everyone needs to make sacrifices. It's part of being an adult. It's part of being in a relationship.

  "I'll forget the audition. It was a stupid dream anyway. I don't know what I was thinking."

  "I knew you'd make the right choice, babe. That's why I love you." The familiar wide grin spread across his face. Any normal person would have seen it for what it was, but Tara could only see it through tear blurred eyes. Tara could only see a man who worked hard to make her what she needed to be. She should be grateful.

  ___

  "Is it really necessary?" Tara looked back and forth between her boyfriend and the plastic bag in his hand.

  "Don't make me out to be the bad guy here. They came to me because they were too afraid to approach you. You're just too serious about everything." Raif made sure she understood that he was doing her a favor. He had to act as a go-between because she made herself to hard to approach.

  "But I don't get why I can't just go on stage like this." She gestured to herself. Tara had already stopped wearing such conservative clothes because it made Raif embarrassed when they were out in public. He'd told her that everyone made fun of him for being next to a prude.

  "Punk is about image. If you go on stage like that, you're going to make the entire band look bad." He explained. He was right. Punk was performance art as much as music. She didn't want to let the band down.

  "So what if I just wear that outfit you like? As long as I change my clothes, it should be fine, right?"

  "You're going to look like a church girl dressed up for Halloween. I put up with it at home because I love you, but those clothes look weird on you when the rest of you looks like... This." He gestured to the state of everything above her neck. "You could at least spend some more time making your face look less bland, show everyone how you're proud to be my girlfriend and that you care about looking nice for me. And what woman in her twenties doesn't have a single piercing? If you're in a punk band, you need to have dozens of piercings, not just your ears but everywhere. And that hair... Are you from Little House on the Prairie? Do you have any idea how much the crew has made fun of me behind your back about your hair?"

  Was it really that bad? Did she really need to change so much?

  Of course she did. Raif wasn't asking for much. He just wanted her to put some effort to fit in. Her hair had always been long. She'd never dyed it. She avoided piercings or using too much makeup. It was time for her to grow up. She was causing problems for Raif because she was being too stubborn.

  "Look babe, I know we're saving money because you can't get a good job. So I'll cut your hair myself, that way we don't need to pay one of those stupid stylists. And I'll do the piercings for you. You trust me, right? I even picked out green dye so we can match. Wouldn't that be cute?"

  Tara nodded. She no longer felt like fighting. It was really sweet that Raif wanted their hair color to match. And if she refused letting him cut her hair or do her piercings, she'd be saying that she didn't trust him.

  "I trust you."

  "That's a good girl. I promise it won't hurt too bad." His wide grin didn't hide his true nature. But even if Tara had found it odd, questioning his intentions would be showing a lack of trust. That would be unfair to Raif.

  With scissors in hand, Raif started to chop away the hair that she had been so proud of... Except now, her hair had become a mark of shame. Thankfully Raif was helping her fix it.

  ___

  "Why were you even here?! Weren't you supposed to be at your part time job?" Raif shouted at Tara as she cried on the couch in their apartment. "Don't tell me you're skipping work so you can spy on me!"

  "They told me I could go home early because we were slow. I wanted to surprise you." She could barely speak through her sobs. Her mind couldn't grasp what she had seen. "Why was Nix here? Why were you both in the shower?"

  "So when your boss says you can leave early, you don't even fight back to get the extra hours? You're fine just cutting your pay so that you can rush home and spy on me? I thought we trusted each other!" He paced in front of the couch, his face showing nothing but rage. "Is that how little you think about our relationship? I bet you probably have someone following me and keeping tabs on everything I do. Do I have to worry about you placing bugs around my apartment to listen in on me?!"

  "I swear, I just came home early. I have never spied on you. I trust you." The tears won't stop.

  "It doesn't sound like you trust me? Would a girlfriend who trusts the man she loves assume he's cheating on her just because he had a friend over to discuss some things?" Raif's furious glare only caused Tara to retreat deeper into her shell.

  "But why were you in the shower together?" It was so obvious, there was no reason that should happen. No matter what excuses, it was obvious what was happening.

  "How dare you ask me that?! I'm not going to answer you when it's so obvious that you don't trust me. You probably wouldn't even accept reality because you're just going to try and gaslight me! You're trying to manipulate me and make me feel like the bad guy here when you're the one who is betraying our mutual trust!"

  "I don't..." She didn't understand. What was happening? It was so obvious. Why was she the bad guy? Why was her faithfulness being scrutinized?

  "Who is he?!" Raif yelled loud enough that his spittle landed on Tara's face.

  "What do you..."

  "You're cheating on me! That's what this is. You have been sleeping around with some guy behind my back, so in order to make yourself feel better, you throw it all back on me. I can't believe you'd be so manipulative!" Raif's anger showed signs of hurt. Signs of betrayal.

  "No. I would never..."

  "Show me your phone!" He extended his hand with his palm out.

  "I don't understand." Tara pleaded. She no longer understood anything that was happening. How did it get like this?

  "So you won't even let me look through your phone?! What are you hiding, Tara? You don't want me to find out what you've been doing behind my back!" His hand grasped at air, demanding she gave over her phone.

  "No... It's just." Why was she supposed to give him her phone? Nothing made sense.

  "How am I expected to trust you if you have to hide what is on your phone? If you had nothing to hide, you'd just let me look at your phone any time I wanted." He grabbed the phone from Tara's hand, immediately looking through her messages and phone calls.

  "I don't have anything to hide." Her eyes lowered, tears still streamed down her cheeks. "Can I see your phone? If you have nothing to hide?

  "Are you fucking kidding me?!" His rage caused Tara to cower. "I already have trouble trusting you because of all of this shit! You have no right to look at my phone! It's my private business, do you understand?! You told me you weren't trying to spy on me, but now you're demanding to go through me phone?! What you're doing is just pure manipulation!"

  "I was just..."

  "I don't need excuses! And it's clear that you scrubbed your messages! I can't find anything on here, so you have to be hiding something! How am I supposed to trust you if you delete your incriminating messages?!" He waved her phone in front of her.

  "I didn't..." She tried to deny deleting messages. How can you prove you didn't delete messages? How could she get him to trust her? Why wouldn't he believe her?

  "I want you to stay somewhere else for a while. I need my space." He roughly tossed her phone back at her, causing it to bounce off her chest onto her lap. "Don't even try to contact anyone from the crew, I'll let them know what's happening and you're not about to spread lies and make me look like the bad guy."

  "But I don't have anywhere to go..." She had nobody. Her parents wouldn't talk to her because of repeated fights regarding her relationship with Raif. She had cut ties with the few friends she had because Raif only wanted her hanging around with people he knew.

  "And that's my fault?!" He grabbed an fistful of her hair and pulled her head to look into his wild furious eyes. "You did this. You cheated on me. You kept secrets from me. You invaded my privacy. You betrayed our trust. You manipulated me. You accused me of sleeping with a member of your own fucking band! So don't even think about getting an ounce of sympathy from me until you admit you were wrong and apologize. I won't accept any lies or excuses. Only an admission of guilt and an apology."

  What could she say? He wouldn't accept her honest answer. He made it very clear she needed to leave unless she admitted guilt. But she had nowhere to go. She had no money to stay somewhere else because her money was already tied up in the apartment and bills. She needed to stay. So the only option was...

  "I'm sorry. I cheated. I betrayed your trust." The slight spark in her eyes disappeared.

  "Was that so hard?" Raif gloated. "It's going to be hard for me to trust you again after what you've done. It's hard to earn back trust after it's been lost."

  "I'm sorry."

  "I'm going to monitor your phone, your social media, everything. Until I feel I can trust you, I'm going to need to make sure you're not taking advantage of me anymore. And if I ever find you coming home early, or going through my phone, you'd better pack your bags because we're done."

  "But this is my..."

  "Are you going to pull that this is my apartment bullshit?! You wanted me to stay here! I did you a favor. You wanted this to be our home, but then every time it's convenient you call it your apartment. You use the fact that you pay the bills to try to control me. You're manipulative. So don't you dare!"

  "I'm... sorry."

  "It's ok. I'm a forgiving guy. I still love you. You just need to work hard to deserve it. Okay, babe?"

  The wide grin.

  The eyes that couldn't see what was right in front of them.

  The woman trapped in the cage. Trapped in the cage behind her mask.

  ___

  "Are you fucking him?" He waved the tickets in Tara's face.

  "It was just a gift from a fan. I've never even met them" She tried to plead, but Raif had already decided what was going on. Once he made up his mind, no amount of evidence would convince him. The truth didn't matter.

  "This isn't the kind of gift a person gives if you're not fucking them." He looked at the tickets in his hand. "The Love Craft, couples cruise? What even is this?"

  "He said he won the tickets in a contest, but he didn't have anyone to take. He knew that I loved Lovecraft stuff, and I'm open about being together with you. So he said we should have them. They're non refundable, so he couldn't cash them in. It's a nice gift."

  "Lovecraft? Like that stupid dice game you used to play before we met? Like with the octopus creatures and shit?"

  Tara's hollow green eyes fell. "It's a free couples cruise, and it's nearby. It would be nice."

  "Do you remember why I dyed my hair pink?"

  "Huh?" She was confused, what did that have to do with anything?

  "Us both having green hair was our own special connection. But you betrayed that when you cheated. I wouldn't dye it back until I could trust you." He pressed his face as close as possible to hers. Tara did her best not to cower. "So why is my hair pink?!"

  "Because I betrayed our trust."

  "And?.."

  "I haven't done enough to earn it back." Her voice was empty.

  "We'll go on this stupid cruise because I'm not going to turn down free stuff. But you're going to have to work even harder to earn back my trust. You keep messing up. You keep proving that I never should have trusted you. I should have just walked past that boring girl that nobody wanted to talk to, I shouldn't have done her a favor and had drinks. I've wasted too much time. So you're going to earn back my trust and make up for the time I've wasted."

  "I understand."

  "Nobody is as patient as I am. Anyone else would have kicked you out long ago. Nobody would want someone like you. The sooner you realize that I'm the one doing you the favor, the sooner you can see why it's so important to be grateful for what you have."

  Wide smile.

  Mask.

  Prison.

  ___

  "I thought it might be fun for us." Tara pleaded with Raif as they stood in their room.

  "In what world is me being forced to do that nerd stuff supposed to be anything other than torture. You grew out of that when you met me, so I don't get why you think you want to relapse."

  "But this is a couples thing. I thought that you could learn something about me." The TTRPG Night on The Love Craft was the only thing on the cruise that leapt out to Tara. She had been actually looking forward to it. But Raif immediately shot her down.

  "I'm going to go hit up the casino. So why don't you just stay here in the room or something." Without giving another thought, he opened the door and stepped into the hallway. As he closed the door he glanced over his shoulder. "And you'd better be here when I get back, or else there will be consequences."

  So Tara waited. She had nothing to do but wait.

  She knew he would be gone all night. The event would be done long before he'd get back. He would never know.

  This was the only thing she was looking forward to.

  She couldn't remember the last time she looked forward to anything.

  Opening up the door to her room, she crept out into the hall.

  ___

  Nametags? It had been a long time since she'd seen these sticker nametags. It was almost like what she'd imagine a high school reunion would have. Or an AA meeting.

  She kept her head down, as she walked away from the nametag station. Distracted by putting on her nametag she nearly bumped into someone, just catching herself at the last moment.

  Tara couldn't raise her eyes, she wasn't supposed to be there. She definitely shouldn't talk to anyone. And she certainly couldn't talk to the man in front of her. The man whose nametag read Kyle.

  He was busy talking on his phone anyway. She didn't have to look up from the ground to know that. His legs were the only ones nearby.

  She didn't lift her head as she weaved through the crowd. She just wanted to find a table, play a session, and get back before Raif knew she was gone. The familiar hand grasping her wrist let her know that things would not go as planned.

  "This is why I can't trust you." Raif yanked her arm, forcing her to look up at him.

  "I can explain."

  "Don't bother. You're going to go back to the room and stay there. We'll deal with the consequences when we get home." His eyes left no room for interpretation. She would not want to test him.

  "Yo Raif, who's this?" A tall athletic man with a man-bun walked up to the two of them. Even though the atmosphere was obviously tense, this man acted as if Raif's actions were perfectly acceptable. His smile made sure Tara understood that he didn't really care what was happening to Tara in that moment. His nametag read Dick C Rect, but Tara knew that was obviously just a joke. Either that or his parents had the sense of humor of a first grader. Still, she knew better than to speak up.

  "She's just an ungrateful..."

  Something was wrong.

  Something was wrong.

  Something was...

  An unfathomably large figure burst from the ocean next to the ship. Anyone with basic knowledge of Lovecraftian lore would immediately recognize that it at least looked like Cthulhu. So of course Raif said...

  "What the hell is that supposed to be?"

  Tara tried to run, but Raif tightened his grip.

  She watched in horror as the eldritch god raised a tentacle as if it was preparing to do that Judo Chop move from the Austin Powers movies.

  The tentacle split the ship in two as everything on the deck on either side was flung into the air.

  Together, Tara and Raif were dragged into the dark abyss of the ocean.

  Even in death, she could not leave his side.

  What do you think of the side story chapters?