I was walking, just trying to focus on what I had to do next. There was too much noise in my head, and it always got worse around this time of year. Too close to that date. The one I never said out loud. So I kept moving. Eyes on the floor. Left then right, left then right… same rhythm. If I paid attention to that, I didn’t have to think about anything else.

  People at work had been getting on my nerves lately. Everyone, really. I knew most of that was on me. It always was this time of year. It’s easier to latch onto little things: David’s dumb jokes that never land, Sandra from accounting, hovering in the hallways, spreading whatever gossip she picked up in the break room. Same kind of people, different building. It had been like that at my old job, too.

  I carried my coffee through the office without really looking at anyone and shut myself into my office. It still didn’t feel like mine. A desk in the middle, one bookshelf shoved against the wall, a plain couch no one ever sat on. Probably belonged to the guy before me, Trent, I think, before he retired. I sat down, took a slow sip of coffee, and stared at my screen until the day could start.

  I was still getting used to this job: sitting still, paperwork, meetings. It was a long way from being out in the field with my crew, hands dirty, tools buzzing in my ears. But I figured I’d adjust. I always did. It helped that the place reminded me of Sam.

  When Ben offered me the job, he told me to walk away from electrical work and step into management at his family’s construction company. I almost said no. Electrical was all I’d known since high school. It was comfortable. It made sense. But then he mentioned the office. Sam’s old office.

  The pay was better than anything I’d had before, and the hours felt unreal compared to what I was used to. That should’ve been reason enough. Still, that wasn’t what tipped it.

  Some part of me just wanted to be here… wanted to sit where Sam used to sit. To occupy the space he’d left behind.

  I told myself it was a good career move… that it was practical. But really, I think I just wanted to feel close to him again without having to admit how much it still hurt.

  This was Sam’s old office, Sam’s old coworkers, these were Sam’s four walls that he sat in silence as he worked sporadically during his years after high school until the day he disappeared. I don’t think he had it long, but it was his for the last little bit before he was ripped away from us.

  As I sat inside the office now, drinking my coffee, I could imagine him doing the same thing. It brought a little piece to my mind.

  Two quick knocks hit my door before it swung open. I knew who it was before I even looked up. He was the only one comfortable enough to do that. Everyone else still treated me like a stranger. I’d been here a while, but Ben was the only one who felt familiar.

  “Hey man, what’re we doing for lunch today?” Ben asked.

  I glanced over from my blank computer screen, trying to pretend like I was actually doing work when he came in. I didn’t want him to think I was just sitting there wallowing in the confusing muck and mire of the shit I had going on inside my head.

  “I’m down for anything. Mexican food?” I asked, knowing that’s what we were already going to do.

  We always went to the same place on Fridays, even before I got this job. My family would always go to the same Mexican place every Friday for so many years now, I couldn’t tell you when it started. It was called Nueves. That place was good as hell, and their chips and salsa were undisputedly the best I had ever had at a restaurant.

  “Do you wanna meet up with your parents? I’m pretty sure Vicky’ll be there,” Ben informed me, though I already knew.

  I knew Vicky would be there; she always met with my parents on Fridays. Even after we lost Sam, she never fell away from the family. She couldn’t… we were her family. I think it was strange for Ben in some ways, at least in the beginning.

  Once things between them started to take shape, Ben just… accepted it. He stepped into the situation without trying to rewrite it or fix it, like he understood that none of this was his to control. And honestly, I don’t think Vicky would’ve let him change anything even if he tried. She was doing what she had to do to stay upright, and no one was going to steer that for her.

  When I first realized what was happening, it made me angry. Deeply angry. But not at Vicky. Never her.

  It was Ben I couldn’t look at without feeling something twist in my chest.

  I knew what Vicky was carrying. Losing Sam wasn’t just losing a husband… it was losing the life they were building together. They’d been together since freshman year, grown up side by side, married, bought a house, talked about kids. They were already trying. They’d already succeeded, even if no one knew it yet. And then Sam was gone.

  One minute, he was in his backyard. Next, he didn’t exist anymore. No explanation, no warning… just absence. All that was left was the mess… the blood in the yard, a mutilated deer dragged into the shed like something wild had fed there. The police found Sam’s blood mixed in with it, smeared and ruined, but enough to know it was his.

  They followed that trail into the woods until it simply stopped. There was no more blood, no more footprints… nothing. It was like the world had decided it was done explaining itself.

  Knowing all of that, it was impossible not to understand Vicky. She was surviving… that was it. She didn’t have much family left nearby, and she’d always been woven into ours. So, she stayed and leaned heavily on Mom and Dad. She kept showing up for everything. And over time, Ben was just… there. Close enough to catch her when she needed someone in that way.

  I think she tried to hide it at first. It was all guilt that made her slightly secretive. I could see it in the way she carried herself, like she was apologizing without saying the words. I couldn’t hate her for that. She’d already lost too much.

  Ben, though… he was easier to be angry at. I could be mad at Ben.

  It took me a long time to get over the fact that he didn’t just creep in on my brother's wife right after he died. It was over a year after he had been gone, so I can’t even imagine how lonely Vicky must have felt, but even still, it just didn’t sit right with me when I looked at Ben as he was with her. So, when I first found out, all I wanted to do was go beat the shit out of Ben. But my wife, Shelly, had been just the right person at the right time to calm my growing frustrations at the situation.

  After a few years, the kind that grind you down slowly and make you think differently, I started talking to Ben again. Not all at once. Just here and there. Short conversations that didn’t go anywhere heavy. Eventually, it felt less strained and familiar, even. When we finally found something close to the friendship we used to have, he offered me the job, and here we were.

  Ben was a good guy… I knew that. He always had been. It just took me a long time to see it again. That wasn’t really his fault. I don’t think it was mine either. Losing my twin didn’t just take Sam… it warped everything around him: relationships, trust, time itself. Nothing fit right after that night.

  The rest of the workday drifted by in a fog. I stared at the screen, moved the mouse, typed a few things that didn’t matter. My thoughts kept circling back to the woods. To Sam. To what might have happened that night.

  Sometimes my mind went places I tried not to let it go. I’d picture him running into something out there. An animal. Something desperate and violent. I’d imagine fear hitting him all at once, the confusion, the pain, the uncertainty of whatever he had faced out there… all alone. The way his life might have bled out into the dirt while no one was there to help him. While I wasn’t there…

  That part never got easier to swallow.

  There were days I’d give anything for a way back. If I only had some kind of magic button, or a way to reverse time… I’d trade places with him without hesitation. Even if it meant the same ending… only for me instead. At least then he wouldn’t have been alone… I could have taken that pain… so he didn’t have to.

  I gritted my teeth at the thought and fought against the knot growing in my throat as it tried to pry tears from my eyes.

  Later, I glanced at the clock, and it was 11:45. Close enough to stop pretending to work. I shut down my computer and started gathering my things. Ben swung by and asked if I wanted to ride with him to lunch, but I told him I was heading home after lunch and calling it an early day. No reason to come back in afterward.

  Ben didn’t ask why, and I didn’t offer.

  “I’ll let David know if he asks where you are,” Ben said casually, knowing he didn’t need to explain himself to David.

  David might be my boss, but he wasn’t Ben’s. It felt weird just stepping into a family business as basically part of the family and shooting past others who had worked somewhere for years. But… I wasn’t complaining.

  When I walked out of the building, I caught eyes with a few people I’d started to recognize over the past couple of weeks. I nodded, smiled where I could, and told one or two of them to have a good one. It felt like I was trying harder than they were, but I didn’t hold it against them.

  Shelly always said I had ‘resting bitch face’, or RBF, as she liked to remind me. Apparently, my neutral expression looked like I was pissed off at the world, even when I wasn’t. I could be perfectly fine and still look like I was one bad comment away from going postal.

  Truth was, most of the time I was just somewhere else. Lost in my head. Thinking about Sam. Thinking about how everything fell apart and never really went back together. Sometimes I’d catch myself staring off into space, only to realize I was accidentally staring straight at someone. Add that to my natural expression, and yeah… I probably came off as unapproachable. Shit, probably borderline hostile.

  Every once in a while, that thought made me laugh to myself. It wasn’t much, but it was something that entertained me at times.

  I climbed into my truck and turned the key, letting the engine growl to life. Before I even pulled out, I put on music; the same stuff I always played, old classic rock. The kind that never really left rotation. The same songs Sam and I used to argue over, the same bands Dad had blasting when we were kids riding in the back seat. It was familiar… safe. If I didn’t think about it too hard, it almost felt normal again… when the songs played.

  The drive across town didn’t take long. We lived in a relatively small city on the outskirts of Dallas. Same roads I’d driven a thousand times. When I pulled into the parking lot at Nueves, the truck bounced through the same potholes it always had. They’d been there for years, untouched, like part of the place’s personality. People complained about them, but I never cared. As long as the food stayed the same, the potholes could stay too.

  Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

  I parked, stepped out, and headed inside. I didn’t bother stopping at the front. I already knew my parents were here. I’d spotted Dad’s old blue GMC when I pulled in. Same truck they’d had forever. Thankfully, some things just refused to change.

  “They’ve got a table all the way in the back,” the hostess said, recognizing me immediately.

  I paused and glanced back at her, nodding. “Oh. Okay, thanks.”

  It caught me off guard. They only used the back room when the place was packed or when a big group came in.

  As I walked through the restaurant, the noise washed over me… silverware clinking, people laughing, the hum of conversation layered over music I barely noticed. I scanned faces as I passed tables, half-expecting to recognize someone. The closer I got to the back, the louder it got. Too loud for just Mom and Dad. I slowed down, tilting my head a little, trying to piece it together.

  When I rounded the corner, it all came into view, and for once, the surprise didn’t sting. Everyone was there.

  Mom and Dad sat side by side like they always did. Mema was next to Dad, leaning in close, smiling like she owned the place, and talking just a little too loud since she stopped wearing her hearing aids. Across from them sat Ben and Vicky. And then I saw my sisters: Sarah with Mitch, Sidney with Jacob. None of the kids were here, but it was a school day, so that tracked.

  My family had a look about them, like you could line us all up and still tell we belonged together. Most of us shared the same light brown hair and blue eyes, the kind of features that blended easily into a crowd. Mom and Sarah stood out from the rest with their red hair and green eyes, sharp and warm at the same time, the kind that always seemed to notice more than they let on. Vicky was different than all of us; her blonde hair pulled back, blue eyes that carried more weight than they should, her athletic build mostly hidden beneath plain nurse’s scrubs that never quite managed to disguise how physically active she was. Ben sat beside her in business clothes that looked a little too worn for an office; creased, scuffed at the edges, marked by long days inspecting construction sites. All of us together, familiar and mismatched, looked like a family that had been bent by loss but still showed up anyway… through all the pain.

  For a second, I just stood there. Then they saw me.

  The reaction hit all at once. Chairs shifting, smiles breaking wide, and voices overlapping.

  “Seth!” Mom beamed.

  “Seth!” Sydney said happily as we hadn’t seen each other in like two weeks. Just busy, I guess.

  “Hey!” Dad called as soon as he saw me.

  My name echoed through the room, loud and warm, and every pair of eyes locked onto me.

  I smiled. The kind I’d practiced without realizing it. I lifted a hand in a half-wave and walked toward the table like everything was fine, like my chest didn’t feel tight, like the empty space where Sam should’ve been wasn’t screaming at me.

  “Damn,” I said lightly as I reached them, glancing around. “What is this, a family reunion?”

  They laughed. That helped. I leaned down to hug Mom, then Dad. Mema squeezed my arm like she was checking to make sure I was real. My sisters crowded in, talking over each other, asking how work was, how Shelly was, how I liked the new job.

  I answered all of it, short, casual, and smiling… all to hide the reality beneath.

  “Yeah, it’s good.”

  “Can’t complain.”

  “Same old stuff.”

  From the outside, I looked fine. I was relaxed, present, and chatty. Inside, I was counting chairs and pretending I didn’t notice the one that would never be filled again.

  “What’s going on, everybody?” I said, laying it on a little thicker than I felt. I put on my best smile, the easy one, and let my voice stay light. It wasn’t for me. It was for them.

  I made my way around the table, giving my sisters quick, gentle hugs, the kind that didn’t linger too long. Same with my brothers-in-law. Those half-hug, half-handshake combinations men do when no one’s quite sure what the right amount of affection is. Everyone laughed. Everyone looked okay. Or at least practiced at looking that way.

  When I reached Vicky, I didn’t hesitate. I leaned in and gave her a real hug, firm and familiar. The kind we’d both come to understand without ever talking about it.

  Vicky and I had a strange relationship, one that didn’t make much sense unless you were inside it. There was nothing romantic there. Not even close. But from the outside, I knew it probably looked complicated. She’d lost the love of her life in a sudden, violent way. I’d lost my twin. There wasn’t anyone else who could fully understand what that kind of absence felt like. My parents came close, of course, but they carried a different version of the same grief. I think Vicky’s was parallel to mine. Never overlapping, but always moving in the same direction.

  She couldn’t fix anything for me, and I couldn’t fix anything for her. But being in the same room mattered. I think just seeing me helped her remember that Sam had been real… that he’d existed before all this.

  For a long time, she avoided me. I reminded her too much of him. Same face. Same mannerisms. Same voice when I wasn’t paying attention. But eventually, she found whatever piece of herself she needed to keep going, and she started coming around again. She talked with Shelly about it more than once, trying to explain what it felt like to see me and not see him. Shelly understood. That helped more than anything.

  There was a part of me that could never forget who Vicky was. Sam’s wife. The mother of his daughter. Those titles didn’t disappear just because he was gone. And neither did the responsibility. Someone still had to look out for them. Someone still had to care after he was gone. I knew Ben was there… I respected that… but it didn’t erase the fact that I was still standing. I was still breathing here on this earth.

  If anyone was going to make sure my brother’s people were safe, it was going to be me.

  “Hey, Seth,” Vicky said, pulling back just enough to look at me. She smiled… small but real. “How’s the new job? Ben not too much of an asshole?” she added, a dry edge to her voice.

  I laughed, right on cue. It was easy and practiced, but less so in that moment. “Nah,” I said, glancing over at him. “He’s manageable.”

  Around the table, everyone smiled. Plates were shifted. Drinks were lifted. The noise picked back up. From the outside, it probably looked like a family just having lunch. On the inside, every single one of us was carrying Sam in our own quiet way… and pretending we weren’t.

  “Hey, I’ll have you know I’m a great boss,” Ben shot back, all mock offense, reaching over to tug lightly at a strand of Vicky’s blonde hair.

  Vicky snapped her head toward him fast, like it actually hurt, and drove a quick, straight jab into his ribs. It landed with a solid pop… enough force that he sucked in a sharp breath.

  “That hurt, you damn bitch,” Vicky barked at a reeling Ben.

  Sarah and Sidney immediately lost it, laughing and nodding like she’d done something nobly hilarious. I laughed too. Probably more than I should have. Part of it was just the moment, but part of it was something older and quieter… something I’d never fully said out loud. Seeing her give Ben a little payback didn’t bother me. If anything, it felt… right.

  “Actually,” I said as I slid into my chair, pointing across the table at him, “you’re not even really my boss. David’s my boss… and he’s way funnier than you.”

  Ben laughed instantly. Real laughter. He knew exactly what I meant. David’s painfully dry jokes were an acquired taste, and Ben was one of the few people who understood just how bad they actually were.

  “Yeah,” Ben said, shaking his head, “and Grizzly Adams had a beard.”

  I paused, squinting at him. “What?”

  “Grizzly Adams did have a beard,” Vicky chimed in confidently, like she was finishing a thought we were all somehow sharing.

  She clearly understood the type of person David was: an energy vampire who sucked the life out of rooms with humor that technically counted as jokes.

  I laughed and shook my head. “I feel like I’m having déjà vu or something,” I said, trying to place the memory. Some old movie scene. Something Sam and I had quoted more than once.

  The food came out not long after that, and for a while, everything else faded into the background: plates clinked, chips disappeared, and the waitress kept refilling the chips and salsa without asking. We talked about work, kids, dumb little inconveniences, and half-finished stories that didn’t need endings.

  My sisters talked for a while about how they were nervous to eat here again because someone posted something online about cockroaches invading this place's kitchen or some shit. They were just thankful they hadn’t seen one yet in their own dishes.

  For a little while… just a little… we stopped carrying everything so tightly.

  No one mentioned Sam. No one had to. He was there anyway, woven into the jokes, the familiarity, the way we all leaned into each other without realizing it. The weight didn’t vanish, but it loosened enough to breathe again. It almost felt like… living again. Like we weren’t all missing a piece of ourselves.

  An hour and a half passed before reality started tapping us on the shoulder again. Jobs to get back to. Responsibilities waiting. I asked what the occasion was for getting everyone together like this.

  They all shrugged and gave me the same answer.

  “It just worked out,” Mom assured.

  “Everyone wanted Nueves,” Sarah said.

  “Felt like a good day for it,” Sydney chimed in.

  I nodded, accepting that for what it was. Sometimes, there didn’t need to be a reason. Sometimes, just showing up was enough.

  As things started to wind down, everyone reached for their wallets, debit cards sliding onto the table one by one. That was when I noticed Dad had gone quiet.

  He sat there staring up at a bare corner of the ceiling, eyes unfocused, absently working a toothpick between his teeth. He wasn’t really present anymore. Dad was bald, still in good shape for his age from years of working outdoors at the water company, hauling tools, and putting his body through it every day… but right then, he looked worn down. The kind of tired that sleep doesn’t fix.

  Something in his eyes hit me hard. It reminded me of how he’d looked in the months after Sam disappeared… like he was carrying something too heavy and didn’t know where to set it down.

  Dad stood up and headed toward the front to pay for his and Mom’s portion. I followed a step behind him. While he was talking with the woman at the register, I stepped closer and gave his shoulder a light slap.

  “Well, Pa,” I said quietly, “I’m glad I got to eat lunch with ya’ today.”

  He turned instantly, already knowing it was me, and patted my hand where it rested on his shoulder.

  “I’m glad you came, boy,” he said. “I’m always glad to see you.” Then, softer, “You tell Shelly and the kids I said hi. I’ll see ’em this weekend.” He hesitated, just a fraction too long. “And I love ’em.”

  There was a catch in his voice. He tried to hide it, but it was there.

  “We love you too, Dad,” I said, forcing a small smile. I knew exactly where his thoughts had gone; what name he couldn’t say out loud anymore. “You okay?”

  He nodded quickly. “Yeah. I’ll be alright. Just… getting close to that time of year again.” He motioned back toward the table where everyone was still gathered. “Seeing all of you together like that. It just reminds me he’s not here.”

  “Yeah,” I said quietly. “I know.”

  I didn’t go any deeper. I didn’t want to add weight to what he was already carrying. So, I pulled him into a hug, firm and steady, patted his back twice, and let go.

  “Love you, Pa.”

  Outside, we all said our goodbyes in the parking lot, talking about getting together soon for a cookout. We still did them… after a long break. Those had stopped for a while after Sam disappeared. Everything had been too raw after that last cookout before he was taken.

  After a year… maybe two… we started again. People said it was healthy to talk about him, laugh about him. They said it would make it hurt a little less.

  Vicky and Ben said they’d be there whenever we nailed down a date. Even if we didn’t all meet up at once, we saw each other constantly anyway; daily, sometimes. Throughout the week, I saw almost everyone in my family in some form or fashion; whether it was helping Mitch or Jacob with their business, helping my sisters with something while their husbands were away from work, visiting with Mom and Dad, or meeting with Vicky for coffee. I always saw everyone individually. But, altogether… that was special.

  Seeing Ben more often forced me to look at things I thought I’d already dealt with…but really just buried. I think I was starting to forgive him fully. Or maybe I was just forgiving myself for the anger I’d aimed at him when he was only doing what he could for Vicky.

  Eventually, everyone pulled out of the lot, one by one. I stayed behind, leaning against the side of the restaurant, scrolling through my phone as I called Shelly. She couldn’t make it… passport renewal or something like that. I just wanted to tell her lunch had been good, and we had a cookout on the horizon.

  When I finally walked over to my truck, my hands fumbled with the keys. They slipped, nearly falling. As I bent closer to the door, lining up the key with the lock, I caught my reflection in the window.

  For a split second, I saw myself. And behind me… faint, distant… I could’ve sworn I saw someone standing there. Someone… familiar…

  “Sam…” I whispered, already turning.

  But.. there was nothing. Just trees across the street. They were still… empty.

  I looked back at the window. The same spot where I could’ve sworn I saw his form. The same angle… but no one was there now. My reflection stared back at me, tired and confused.

  I shook my head. This had happened before. A lot, in the beginning. Seeing him everywhere. My mind fills in the shape of the one person I wanted to see more than anything. Lately, it had been happening again… just like every year. Maybe because the anniversary was getting close. Maybe because I’d let my guard down today with everyone, and I had forgotten… I had acted as if nothing had happened. I couldn’t do that. I had to keep his memory alive.

  I forced the thought away, got into the truck, and fired up the engine. The music came on automatically as I pulled out of the lot and headed home.

  Shelly wouldn’t be back for a while. The kids were still at school. I’d have time alone. Time to decompress. To get my head straight. I needed to pull myself together.

  Still… as I drove away, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I hadn’t been alone in that reflection. It seemed so real… just for a second. But… it always felt like that… even in the dreams.