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Chapter 10

  I am amazed at how many streets Alexander can walk in a day, how many people he can talk to, and how many movies he can watch. He is like a flow, always in motion.

  The next evening, a rush to the Zhuldyz microdistrict followed. There, Alexander, Yuri, and I drowned out our moods with laughter and jokes. Humor and wise thoughts were all I needed at that moment.

  We sat in that monastery-clean room while Alexander pressured me to reveal my fears. Irritation grew, as the idea seemed stupid, but his insistence continued.

  “You know,” I said, deciding to put an end to his misplaced curiosity, “I don't think now is the time to dissect childhood fears. But believe me, they are many, and sooner or later I will share them with you.”

  “Yes, perhaps you are right,” he replied, lost in thought.

  “I feel the atmosphere heating up!” Yuri joked. Picking up a bottle of wine, he began to fill our glasses.

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  A little later, a confession came from Alexander: he was a green-eyed monster when jealousy took hold. His concept of morality was simple: never be a hypocrite.

  “I know there is no reliability in me; I am just like everyone else, capable of anything - even theft, if necessary,” he began, his frankness growing. “I never stop to reflect. I am constantly in motion, like an unrestrained reveler. I hate living by fits and starts.”

  A long, silent gaze was my only response. Then he continued his story.

  “On Sunday night, after you left, I slept for a while before I got up and went for a walk. Suddenly, a terrifying truth dawned on me: I don't want Anzhelica to come back. That night, I almost sent a reply telling her that I don't need her anymore. With you, I’ve discovered that true friendship can exist between a man and a woman, but with her, friendship was never part of it. I only ever think of myself. Perhaps I really am the world's biggest egoist, as she claims. My own selfishness surprises me. When I buy things, I feel like a worm - a tiny little thing. I could have given you a beautiful, memorable gift for everything you’ve done for us, but instead, all my money goes to myself. Why haven't I changed this until now?”

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