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4:9 Waking

  A new consciousness brushed against my own. It was familiar in many ways, though I had never been quite as close to this one as I had been to the other two of its kind. For a brief, disorienting moment, as I had existed alone here besides myself, the curse, and the two Wills for too long, I was afraid. My aura took on a defensive posture, even as I flushed the remains of the curse out of my body and continued to hold up the One World's Will. But they were not hostile, never moving too fast, so as not to startle me. She was not hostile.

  [Statera Luotian]. Curie did not speak normally. Her voice was limited, raspy and almost mechanical sounding, as if speaking through a radio at a great distance. [You and I have awakened. Good. The timing is impeccable.]

  "I have," I mentally sent back, for the first time since the crash consciously, mentally adjusting to being part of both the One World and the Four Realms. It was...disorienting. Two different voices echoed in my head, two different needs. The Four Realms wanted to lash out and fight back, while simultaneously settle and defend and heal itself. I had to soothe the nascent will and keep it calm, helping direct its energetic flow to positive areas. The Realms themselves wanted to split, form into something new...but it couldn't yet. The damage had to be healed, first.

  The Will of the One World, however, pushed against me, still fighting this foreigner that tried to claim dominion over it. Two thirds of the Authority demanded assault and blood, and I was not as familiar with the magic and energy and systems of this world to be able to wield Curie's part of the Authority properly. The One World was heavy, and it took much to be able to keep it at bay. But I managed. And I would get better with time.

  [You are unfocused. This is within predictions. Our two worlds are relatively compatible, but managing both at the same time is relatively difficult all the same. It is unlikely you will be able to utilize your full potential until this abnormality is stabilized.] she droned.

  "Hush, you. Where are you? Are you safe?" I asked, immediately focusing on the important bits. Other information was flooding through me - Alala's pain, Yueya's silence, the state of the Four Realms and my children - but Curie represented an unexpected variable. She was nowhere I could sense her, but I wasn't looking very hard yet.

  [Yes. My location has yet to be discovered. Coordination between resisting elements of the One World is continuing to be forged. My people will be ready to aid you when your forces ascend.] Curie noted blandly. I hesitated, taking another moment to collect myself, parsing through information - Alexander and Keilan were preparing their forces for another assault, this time not to break the siege, but to begin taking control of the One World's afterlife. Reika had some of her people managing the captured forces of the One World, Astraea helping, while Elvira rested and recovered.

  "They're fixing the afterlife right now," I said.

  [No. They need to push up. The longer they wait to march upon Yueya's capital, the more dangerous she becomes. The Rot has yet to move its most powerful piece.] Curie said. [Now is the time to march. Before the Rot begins to realize its own mistakes. It has the body and heart, but without the mind, it is fueled only by passion. Makes mistakes. The longer we wait, the more likely it is the Rot will either discover my location, or develop a mind of its own.] I paused. Glanced through what I knew.

  Agreed.

  "You gave up your authority though, right? Will the Rot still seek you out?" I asked.

  [I still retain approximately 1.001% of my Authority, as removing that would have unraveled my existence, and given my energy as a god back to the other two. I am still an Origin Deity, even if weakened and having surrendered my Authority. Part of the whole. The Rot is still searching for me, and Atreum will aid it, viewing me as the key to ending the war. This. Cannot. Happen.] Curie said. [If they find me, I will self-destruct.] The simple way she said it sent a shiver down my spine.

  "I'll get to you first," I said, knowing she was right, the Rot could not get to her. It could not get her intelligence, and complete itself.

  [No. First you wake. Tell your children to be open to notifications. Then you march on the surface. Keeping the Rot occupied will keep me safe. Cutting connection now. Further communication for the moment increases risk of discovery exponentially. Farewell for now, Statera Luotian.] She said, and then, silence.

  Well. Relative silence. There was still the screaming of the One World to worry about, but I put that out of my mind for the moment. I had some things to check on that weren't involved with a war or this weird mind-space.

  I breathed out, my consciousness finding my body once again.

  Life was pain.

  Everything ached. My soul ached. My toes hurt. My chest felt like it had a dozen mountains sitting upon it, and my consciousness was strained just being here, present instead of focusing on fighting in three different areas while simultaneously helping the Realms heal.

  In reality, I wanted to let my mind slip away again. To not focus on the here and now, and instead, well...focus on the here and now that is far away. But I had duties. The curse was relatively gone. My children needed to see that I was ok, and I needed to give them Curie's message - because I had already confirmed it to be a good course of action based on the data I had, and agreed with her.

  And if they were to march upon the surface, I needed to master the One World's Will - loosen the restrictions around my children while in the One World even further.

  I forced my eyes open.

  Heterochromatic eyes, one blue, one a sharp green so much like my own, looked back at me. Little Amari Ren sat on my chest, the baby blinking owlishly as they squirmed. Little black horns were starting to poke up out of their forehead, pointed elf ears becoming more prominent. Amari had my hair, but Yueya's face, but round and pudgy in the way babies are.

  Amari raised one pudgy little fist, and promptly smacked me in the face, sticking their little fingers up my nose.

  "Bah," they declared.

  "Bah indeed," I agreed, gently tilting my head back, away from the grasping fingers that instead grabbed my bottom lip. Amari blew a raspberry at me. I blew a raspberry back. The little one just stared, pulling their hand back - a little, twisting, crackling string of energy grasped in their fist. I watched curiously as they stuck the little bit of curse in their mouth and swallowed, the energy harmlessly merging with their budding divinity.

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  "About time you woke up," the Rival muttered from beside me. I rolled my neck to look at him, the immortal man practically buried in books where he sat beside me. Stacks upon stacks of smutty romance novels encased him and his velvet armchair - it honestly shouldn't have been long enough for him to get through that many books, but he was an immortal.

  "Thank you," I told him, biting back a groan as I slowly lifted my arms to wrap them around Amari Ren.

  "Don't thank me. I did what you would have done," he muttered. I smiled at him sadly.

  "All the more reason for me to thank you. You are a good friend. Especially for watching this one, while the others were away." I told him. He grunted, refusing to meet my eyes as I poked my fingers gently into Amari Ren's side, making the little one squirm and burble at me. I burbled back. "Where's Randus?"

  Predictably, the moment I called his name, the butler was alerted. Randus stepped out of the land of dreams to stare at me blankly, his expression suspiciously blank.

  "So, a priest walks into a bar -"

  Randus silenced me with a hug, arms wrapping around me, trembling and tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes. I let out a long slow breath, pulling Amari Ren off my chest to nestle the baby at my side, then wrapping my other hand around Randus' back.

  "Don't' you ever do that again," he whispered.

  I couldn't promise him that. So I said the only thing I could. "I'm sorry," I whispered, hugging him as tightly as I could. He trembled a bit more, took a few deep, shuddering breaths, and pulled back, wiping his red eyes. The normally stoic man didn't even bother to hide the relief on his face, nor stop his tears from flowing - merely wiping them away.

  "I'll go get the others," he said, and then he was gone before I could call out to him.

  "They've been worried sick." The Rival noted.

  "Were you?" I deflected by teasing him, because I knew my children had been, and the guilt drove daggers into my heart. I would do it all over again to keep them all safe, but - fuck, even now, I could feel my soul reach out, wrapping around those souls who had sacrificed themselves in defense of the Four Realms. The God of Tides, whose soul I found amongst the wreckage, and gently guided back to his favored oceans. Angels. Fu Hao, who still lay bedridden. Mortals.

  I would do it all over again, but that didn't make me feel any less guilty for not having seen this coming, for putting them through this in the first place. If I hadn't gotten involved with Yueya...if I had been able to see through her beauty, and seen the Rot slowly taking over her mind...if...

  "Don't do that," The Rival interrupted my thoughts. Amari Ren grasped my torn robes, sticking the purple cloth in their mouth and slobbering. "You are not at fault. And to answer your question; no. I was not worried. You're far too stubborn to die." I smiled at him, and we lapsed into silence fore a moment.

  "So," he began. "Horatius, huh?"

  My answer was cut off, as suddenly, my children were there. Amari Ren jumped a little, squirming deeper into my side as the room was filled with power. Reika, Alexander, Keilan, and even the injured Elvira - though all of them were incarnations, as their true bodies were needed elsewhere - appeared with a pop of displaced air. Kei materialized, Morgan was predictably absent, and...well, that was it. No others had been informed.

  They stared at me. I tried to wiggle my eyebrows. Tried to flash them a warm smile, to assure them everything was alright.

  But laying there, staring at my children, reading the actions they had taken in their souls, the things they'd had to do to keep the Realms safe, my throat closed. Tears sprung to my eyes. Relief flooded me at seeing them safe and alive, warring with the grief and shame.

  "I'm so sorry," I whispered, apologizing for anything and everything, for not being able to stand before them and take the brunt of this weight. For not being able to take more of the weight. 'You're already taking care of a lot,' my mind told me, but it didn't matter to my heart. I wanted to do more.

  They surged forward like the tide, gently crashing against me, the Rival gently prying Amari Ren out of the way before the impromptu dog-pile could properly form. Reika crashed into my chest, face buried in my robes. Alexander shrunk, his serpentine form winding about my head and shoulders like a scaley pillow. Elvira grabbed my hand with her good arm like she was afraid I would disappear if she let go, her wings wrapping around us. And even Keilan stepped forward, wrapping me and Rieka in a hug, his wings layering over Elvira's.

  Kei sat at my feet, putting one hand on my leg, tears in her eyes and tails flicking.

  "I'm glad you're awake," Reika whispered. I squeezed my eyes shut, tears flowing freely.

  "Me too," I whispered. "Me too."

  ***

  Alexander knew the reunion with Father would end sooner than later. His energy had been flagging when they arrived, so by the time he and his siblings had left, it came as no surprise that Father had lapsed back into sleep - no longer unconsciousness, but the restful sleep that allowed his spirit and body to heal, while His mind continued to do battle with the forces that sought to crush the Four Realms' resistance.

  Neither he nor his siblings were unaware of Father's struggles, despite His insistence that He should do more. None begrudged Him His rest, either. But work still had to be done.

  "Thank you," Alexander rumbled, just as he was about to leave, the little one, Amari Ren, clutched gently in his claws. The baby slobbered over his scales and, if he was being honest with himself, he had yet to decide on how to feel about his half-sibling. Love, for sure, but beyond that?

  "Hmm?" The Rival said, looking up form his book. Not a smut novel, this time, but a scroll the mortals had written about art.

  "For staying beside Father." Alexander said.

  "Ah. that. Don't mention it," The Rival said dismissively. "I have my own reasons."

  "I will mention it. You are a good friend. Father is proud, I know, to call you as such," Alexander said. The Rival opened his mouth to say something, jaw working. He set down his scroll. Something dark crossed his face.

  "I - " He began.

  "You," Alexander interrupted, "hold the same weight upon your shoulders Father does. Know it is not yours to bear alone, nor is the weight of whatever shame you believe plagues you. It is not who you were, or what mistakes you make, but who you choose to be. Your time with Solana proves that. Now, I must be off. Amari Ren deserves to spend some time with one their own age, and I need to get back to work. We have an invasion to plan," he grumbled, hating the idea, but knowing it was necessary.

  The Rival bowed his head in acquiescence as Alexander's incarnation shot off with Amari Ren in tow.

  Inesa was waiting, little Sequoia, the daughter of Xing Wu and Inesa, ready for a playmate, even if they were...decently far apart in terms of age. Size wise, not so much. Alexander rumbled happily.

  Father was awake, though. That, alone, was cause for celebration. Even if there was still much to do.

  ***

  The Rival watched the white dragon go, complex emotions swirling in his heart. Pride? Shame? All of the above. He slapped Statera's arm with his scroll.

  "Your kids are way too perceptive, you know that?" he asked rhetorically, the comment lacking any real heat. Amusement radiated from Statera's asleep form in waves, practically palpable - her aura had changed significantly, in the time she'd been resting. Her emotions, even those she tried to hide, had a far greater impact on the world than they ever did before.

  "But they're wrong about me," he said softly. "I'm sitting her to prevent the worst-case scenario. Not to protect you."

  Statera's silence was damning. Even he knew he was lying with that one. Consequences be damned, he'd protect Statera even if the Overgod would punish him for it, not that the Overgod seemed inclined to at the moment. She'd sat with him through some of his worst times, coming out of a number of terrible, terrible lives...the least he could do is sit with her.

  One hand reached over, and gently grabbed her hand.

  "I wish," he said, but didn't finish that thought. Not even in his head. Because he wasn't certain what he was wishing for. Instead he turned his gaze skyward, to where he wondered the First might be.

  And he lamented the past, and prayed for a better future.

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