Egbert sighed in relief as Killgore finally, blessedly finished his rambling monologue on dungeons and why he was an expert in them. He had somehow managed to drag it out for nearly an hour. The initiates looked how he felt, boredom teetering into a desire to simply revolt.

  Killgore led the squad into the loot bug room, grumbling at every toll door about gimmicks and unorthodox psychological warfare.

  Geez, man, stop overthinking it; I really do just want your money.

  The first-timer cadets gazed around in wonder at the loot bug playground. Eyes practically sparkling as they traced around the little spires and archways filled with hissing denizens and a smattering of coins. A few even gasped when they saw the vending machine nestled against the far wall, a treasure chest leading to it temptingly.

  Randy and his group chuckled nervously and pretended to be amazed as well. Carter went so far as to slowly swipe at a loot bug, like he thought that would actually be enough to catch it. The little monster, instead of running, flung itself bodily at him, biting his vambraces. He turned his body so Killgore couldn’t see how utterly fucked the little monsters were and managed to fling it off into the distance.

  Randy raised an eyebrow at him curiously. Carter mouthed back, “Let him find out the hard way.” Randy smiled back and gave a thumbs up.

  Hmm, getting the impression Killgore isn’t the most beloved professor.

  Killgore gestured towards a loot bug nestled slightly within a tunnel going into a pillar. “As you can see here, we have a basic loot bug, a common staple used by dungeons to lure greedy fools to their demise. They are harmless, cowardly things, although they can be a bit fast. I’ll demonstrate the correct way to capture one for you all now.”

  Oh, this will be good.

  Killgore looked at the Haste shrine and frowned. He adjusted his breastplate and then suddenly lunged with admittedly impressive speed, his hand grasping for the bug. It scoffed—actually scoffed—as it simply shuffled back into its little tunnel out of his reach. His other hand wrapped around the spire, and he slapped the tunnel exit with such force the wind catapulted the bug out into his waiting hand that had missed originally.

  Well, I'll be damned.

  Randy and his party even looked impressed for a moment. They all noticed the slowly gathering swarm of loot bugs building up in the pillars next to him, however.

  Joe whispered to Carter, “He fucked around, and he’s about to find out.”

  Carter nodded. “A silver says he ends up in the pit with the monster.” Joe just shuddered in response, remembering the one and only time he had fought with Bully.

  Pffttt, if he falls in there, I'll upgrade Bully on the damned spot just because he made me listen to him prattle for so long.

  He raised the bug up for the class to see with his hand held like a cage. It was flailing around like mad, bouncing off his armored fingers. “As you can see, easy enough with a bit of finesse. As truly craven, cowardly creatures, all you have to consider is how to stop its escape...now...the others will have noticed and be…hiding..." Killgore turned slowly to look at the veritable sea of golden bugs, not a single one hidden anymore, all perched across the tops of spires and archways, even a handful on the ceiling above him.

  He slowly drew his sword with his free hand, cautiously eyeing the threat. “Well, ahem, this…isn’t normal. It looks like greed had a rare variant called maneaters, very similar to the normal loot bug, just a bit meaner…” although…these seem a bit fast and small for man-eaters.”

  Oh yep, and here…we…go. Oh wow, a lot of them are just going for armor gaps this time. Smart move, guys; you are learning.

  Killgore bellowed a war cry and spun as the golden hateful specks all stopped hissing at the same time and suddenly flung themselves at him as one. He managed to utterly erase a swath of them with a sweeping slash that blasted compressed wind with concussive force. But innumerable more landed on him; some went to bite at his face. Others clambered across his armor, and a surprising amount just dove into seams in his armor and crawled on in, biting as they went.

  Killgore cursed spectacularly, blasting most of them off his armor with a wall of wind aimed at himself; it knocked him back a few steps and knocked over a nearby trainee. He cursed as he ripped off his breastplate and bean excruciatingly plucked them off or battered himself with more blasts of wind to fling them away.

  He stopped suddenly and looked down in panic as a loot bug obviously crawled somewhere important. “Oh gods…no, not there,” he muttered before undoing his belt in a clatter. He practically ripped his pants off before steeling himself, then with a sheer effort of will, he directed a blast of wind straight into his nethers that dropped him to the ground and scattered a couple more bugs straight out of his britches.

  Oh wow, okay! I'll give you points for being utterly hardcore, Killgore. Minus points for having to drop trow in the first room in front of your trainees.

  Kilgore grumbled on the ground for a few moments, keeping a whipping wind spinning about himself that flung any enterprising bugs away. He gathered himself and his armor quickly, trying to salvage his pride.

  Joe looked at him with what could only be pity and understanding. “I get it, man; this place just targets the family jewels. It’s fucking uncalled for.”

  Killgore lashed out with wind a few more times as he put his armor on, honestly decimating the swarms of loot bugs and bringing the swarm down to a far more manageable spare dozen or so. “Alright, anyone that wants to try may, but be cautious and stay away from the chests and the pit over there; all of that is too dangerous for today!”

  Randy’s squad halfheartedly ran around pantomiming going for the loot bugs. The other students went whole hog diving, crashing, and running into things; a few even used the haste shrine. One fiery redhead had a notable attempt while hasted.

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  He sprinted from the shrine straight at a bug practically taunting him from the top of a spire. It waited until the last second before jumping straight up. The idiot looked up and not where he was going and threw himself straight into Bully’s Pit at an impressive speed, hitting the ground with the clatter of bending metal.

  “Oh fuck, here we go… Killgore’s going in,” Joe said with excitement.

  Oh damn, I have to upgrade Bully now. Hmm, I've only got a few seconds before Mr. Speeches leaps in for an epic rescue.

  Egbert zoomed straight in, activating the upgrade option on Bully. He was peeking out over his castle wall to see what idiot was intruding on his space. Already winding up a soft hu...huu... for his emergence, Bully put one of his stubby legs towards the level that lowered his drawbridge.

  Nope, not yet!

  [Upgrade] (8 Silver)

  [Evolve] (8 Gold)

  AGHH, why is that so expensive! Fine, fine, he's on the respawner, so even if Killgore there turns him inside out, it will be okay. Think of it as an investment, Egbert; you need more scary things when the mages come.

  Egbert slapped Evolve, and a short list sprang out in front of him.

  [Executioner Loot Bug]

  Sometimes you just have to chop off a few legs, heads, arms—really anything that will cause terminal bleeding. This is offered to the most mean-spirited of loot bugs—those that don’t just inflict violence; they have fun while they do it. This variant looks at every single adventurer passing by and just begs them to try it.

  A very lethal evolution of the bully, it still steals armor and sword bits and bobs to slap onto its shell like a demented magpie left unattended in a vault. But now it just murders the hell out of the previous owner instead of mugging them. Larger, stronger, and just as tough as a Bully bug, but with a decidedly slicey twist.

  That actually sounds awesome, but if I do that after he murders Killgore, I’m going to have to stuff him in a corner somewhere so the loot bug playground doesn’t just become the new adventurer graveyard.

  *[Lairmaster Bully]

  Bully has his castle, and it’s his castle; get away from his castle. There are no warnings, no second chances, only violent and immediate repercussions for those who step onto his property. Like that survivalist uncle who digs a doomsday pit under his cabin and shoots arrows at the guards every time they check on him. This bug owns everything that crosses into the confines of his domain—your shit is now his shit. Your dignity? Definitely not leaving with you.

  A bully bug who gains the ability to form and craft his own lair to his wishes. Fighting this creature in his domain is a task for the foolish or suicidal. A bruiser who bullies his foes and builds his ever-growing arsenal and castle from the trophies of his fallen foes. May accept other creatures as subservient guardians.

  Hah, well, I kind of love everything about that one. Might have to fight with him over some of the valuables he steals… No, who am I kidding? I’m just going to [Gimme The Gold!]. It’s not like he can stop me. Solid option Not many downsides other than how big exactly would his lair be… Oh, I even got one more option.

  [Stronghold builder]

  This version of a bully bug is done with so much as the thought of company. It doesn’t even want to peek angrily at its neighbors. It would prefer if it just didn’t have neighbors. This bug likes the castle it lives in so much so that that becomes its only real personality trait beyond vague anger at the world.

  This bully builds grand castles that may actually become problematic in scale. Towering edifices to the glory of home ownership. Will seal their castle off from any form of entry and zealously guard their castle. Occasionally forays out to gather more building supplies.

  See, this one sounds fun, but for another bully bug, maybe plop them in an empty space in the cavern and just let them go ham. Build up god knows what and charge people for sledgehammers and climbing gear to try and get in. But probably not for this guy.

  Egbert selected the Lairmaster bully, and a golden glow overtook Bully as he sauntered down his gate towards the knight initiate, who was climbing painfully to his feet with a fearful expression.

  Killgore thudded down next to the student at the same moment the glow around Bully faded. Killgore’s eyes got wide as he beheld the glory that was the Lairmaster’s new form. “Oh fuck, Lionel! Climb the ladder and get out of the pit right the fuck now.”

  Bully’s shimmering shell radiated malice; the pieces of armor and fishing hooks attached to it now looked like no more than small ornaments. He came up to nearly Killgore’s waist. The very ground deformed under his every step as he tentatively flexed his new powers. “Huuu. Huuuuu hu…..” He rumbled out, his much more emotive eyes raised slightly in annoyance, and his mandibles drew down into a disgruntled frown. He looked straight at where Killgore was standing on his property.

  “Huu…?” He warbled out almost in disbelief at the gall of the armored man in front of him.

  Killgore took a step back and called out to the students, “Now recruits! Unexpected things happen all the damn time in dungeons like this; watch carefully!” Killgore leveled his longsword towards bully wind swirling around the tip of his blade.

  Bully’s new powers emanated from him in a ripple-like wave, the stone of the floors and walls undulating at his will. Cruel screaming motifs with the face of bully began carving themselves into the wall. Bully’s signature “huuu…hu…” echoed unkindly from a hundred screaming mouths. Kilgore looked around with wide eyes as reality itself shuddered.

  You know I appreciate how immediately he went over the top with it. Give him a trickle of power, and bam, cursed ass lair within a minute.

  “Uhh…what in the seven hells? So Cadets… Umm, sometimes dungeons have bosses… powerful creatures with abilities that defy expectation and logic… not normally in the first room though…”

  The castle looming behind bully slowly began growing outward to fit his new, more impressive form. Bully looked at Killgore, cocked his head, and then thundered forward explosively.

  Killgore thrust his sword forwards, and a swirling pillar of wind met Bully’s charge, slowing and finally halting it just a stride from him. The ground under bully feet simply rushed forwards, and he charged again with twice as much speed.

  Killgore didn’t even manage a curse before bully hit his breastplate face first. Deforming the armor inward and sending him flying into the still mocking, snarling faces on the walls. Killgore tried to stand, but the mocking sculptures along the walls erupted in a series of headbutts, sending him right into the bully’s next charge.

  Killgore got bounced back and forth between bully and the walls a few more times before simply blasting as much wind as he could straight down and roughly catapulting himself up onto the edge of one of the platforms above the pit. He clambered up with a pained grunt and rolled onto his back. He was black and blue from head to toe with mangled armor.

  Killgore fumbled a potion into his mouth before climbing to his knees and then feet. He pointed angrily towards the difficulty switch room. “Onto the next room!”

  Huh… Not really the play I would have expected, but okay, go try and salvage some of your damaged ego after that. I wish you the best… At least you weren’t stupid enough to go back down and try and finish the fight. It almost would be worse for you if you had won. Bully is always pissed; I can’t imagine what he would be like after he respawned.

  Joe was doubled over in a corner of the room, laughing so hard he was wheezing. His friends were standing in front of him trying to shield the spectacle from the instructor's gaze. Randy slapped him fully upside the face.

  “Joe, shut the fuck up! Seriously, if Killgore sees you, we are all done.”

  Joe looked up through tear-filled eyes. “Pfffttt… what… what’s he going to do? All we have to do is give him a good shove back into the pit so he can teach us his ways some more. Oh, oh my gods.” Joe doubled back over into another hysterical fit.

  Ben looked a bit confused. “I didn’t think it was THAT funny…”

  Randy shook his head in disappointment. “The bitter fucker is just happy to see it isn’t only him getting trounced down there. Come on, let’s join the others; we are luckier than hell; the Killgores are too concussed to notice this idiot.” He gestured at Joe and just walked toward the line of knights ambling to the next room.