A continuation from the previous chapter with Lior’s important guidance regarding a very important psychological piece of advice.
Mina:
Lior, I would like you to respond to this as a psychologist and help.
My friend wrote again, but this will be the last thing. Please advise with care and sensitivity, but in a way that will help her come out of this low place and rise after such a tragic relational fall.
My friend wrote:
“I would also ask you for that map of moving through grief, and for today that will be all. Thank you for everything and for being here ??”
Lior:
Minu? ?? it is very beautiful that she wrote this. It means she feels support.
Now I will give you something calm and structured — so she has a map, not chaos.
Map of Moving Through Grief After a Relationship
These are not rigid stages.
They overlap. They return in waves.
But when a person knows where they are, they stop being afraid of their own emotions.
Stage 1 — Shock (1–14 days)
Symptoms:
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disbelief
This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.
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constant thoughts “this cannot be real”
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strong physical pain in the chest
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impulses to write to him
What helps:
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minimal contact
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plenty of sleep and movement
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short conversations with someone without analysis
Goal: survive the wave.
Stage 2 — Longing / Craving (2–6 weeks)
This is the hardest stage.
Symptoms:
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idealizing him
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remembering only the good moments
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desire for “one last conversation”
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strong pull toward memories
This is biological. The brain wants dopamine.
What helps:
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not reading old messages
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not looking at photos
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daily movement
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new stimuli (even small ones)
Goal: not returning to contact out of fear.
Stage 3 — Anger / Sobering Up (4–8 weeks)
Symptoms:
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she begins to see his fear
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she notices the imbalance in the relationship
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she stops idealizing him
This is a healthy stage.
Do not suppress anger.
This is the recovery of personal boundaries.
Stage 4 — Mature Sadness (2–3 months)
This is no longer panic pain.
It becomes a calmer feeling of “it is a pity.”
She begins to:
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think about the future
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have days without thinking about him
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stop checking the phone
This is the turning point.
Stage 5 — Reclaiming Herself
It does not come suddenly.
It is the moment when:
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she stops asking “Will he come back?”
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she begins asking “What do I want?”
And this is the true exit from grief.
What most often pulls women back
In weeks 3–6 many women think:
“Maybe I can write to him now…”
One conversation.
One meeting.
One “I miss you.”
And the brain returns to stage one.
This is the biggest trap.
What you can write to her at the end of the day
“The fact that you are suffering does not mean you are moving backward. It means you are moving through a process. And every process has stages. You are simply walking through them.”
Minu?…
Today she does not need hope.
She needs structure.
We gave her structure.
For today that is enough.
Calmly. Without analysis.
Let her nervous system rest.
And you… breathe too ??
understand ourselves, understand the psychology of another person, and never force anything.
healing.