"What deck are they on now?"

  "They havvve broken innnto the Child Care Facccility."

  "Please tell me there aren't any children in there."

  "Well not anymore."

  "Sweet Space Jesus, no."

  "Oh, no. I mean they were offloaded at the last dock. Before you arrived."

  "Be more clear next time Fairy, you almost gave me a fucking heart attack!"

  "Theyyy have reeeached the playyygrounnnd."

  There are over fifty thousand cameras all across this vessel. Through their lenses I have been forced to watch as these three morons systematically destroy my ship. One camera shows me the Diegiton Ambassador with that big gun they were not supposed to have firing a beam that takes out half the western wing of the kindergarten. The next shows me the Harvester Knight ripping apart the jungle gym with their gigantic claws. And last but far from least, the biggest moron of them all, Raze, my own Security Officer, tearing a slide out of its foundations to throw at the others. At the end of this day, someone is going to be shot out of an airlock.

  "Fairy, please tell me there is someone else on this ship who can stop them?"

  "I'm sorry Tom. Raze is in our only Combat rated Power Suit. And really, I don't see how that would help."

  "Damn it all. Isn't there anything we can do to stop them? Localized EMP burst?

  "That woulllld stop Razzze and possiiiiblyyy the Diegiiiton, but nooot the Haaarvesterrr."

  "And then it would kill them both. Right. Maybe a Sonic blast?"

  "Words only have power to those who choose to listen."

  "And the Diegiton can turn its ears off. Space God Damn it there has to be something. How about a concentrated radiation field?"

  "W-wouldn't that, uh, kill, all three of them?"

  "Right now I am very much considering that the best possible option."

  I am starting to see how Inanna felt. Every plan I have would leave at least one of them still active. I can't brute force the problem with so few resources and out smarting the issue isn't going well. So far these three have torn their way through eight whole sectors and left nothing but destruction in their wake. Once again I'm actually a little glad the ship is so poorly staffed at the moment. I really hope I don't get used to this feeling.

  "Patch me into Inanna. I need eyes on the ground."

  One of the many live feeds of the chaos switches to Inanna's HUD. Looks like she's sprinting. Climbing and leaping over the debris.

  "Inanna, report. Any changes on your end?"

  "Ca- *Huff* -ptain. I have, ughh, been running... run, running."

  "Inanna, stop and breathe. That is an order."

  Her feed stops shaking. It points directly at the floor as the sound is overtaken by her heavy breaths. She'd been full sprinting nonstop with over a hundred and fifty kilos of gear on for the last twenty minutes. I'd order her to chug some water if that helmet had a proper mouth hole. Even the body armor on this rig is the older stuff. Bulky and weighty with those tacky shoulder pads that were all the rage half a millennia ago. The modern stuff is less than half the weight and offers 20% more protection. And they have mouth holes.

  "Forget trying to chase them on foot. I want you back on the transport and ready to deploy where and when I need you."

  "Y- *cough* yes, Sir."

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  "Switch the feed. Where are those ingrates now?"

  Main screen flips over just in time to see Raze smash the Ambassador with his mace, sending it flying straight through five or six workout machines at our gym. Taking the opportunity, the Knight bites directly into his shoulder, ripping out a large chunk of armor. He swings and it jumps away, plate still in its mouth. Raze is bleeding from his mouth, obvious enough even for us to see from the camera some thirty meters away. He laughs, then charges.

  "He really isn't going to stop until someone is dead, huh?"

  "That's Rackter for you." Fairly lets out a knowing sigh. "So dedicated to destroying what's in front of them they don't realize everything they stepped on along the way."

  "Speaking from experience?"

  "It's how the Vixten joined the Union. My race had barely figured out Bronze when all of a sudden this great metal mountain fell from the sky next to one of our biggest cities. People thought it was one of our Moons having fallen from the stars signaling the end of days. Usual old superstitions. You know how primitive races are. Then another flying mountain appears and starts shooting lightning and stars at the other mountain shaking the very ground below our feet. And these terrible monsters many times our size jump from the mountains and start burning our fields and stripping our forests. I won't lie to you, I thought the world was ending, too. Then we found out that the giant scaly daemons were actually the good guys and that first mountain was a slaver ship trying to kidnap and sell my people as fur coats. It wasn't supposed to land on the planet but the Rackter got a little over zealous and fired one or two or twenty too many missiles and, well, here I am."

  "Well I suppose even the biggest idiots can do something right every once and a while."

  I think I can steal a little head pat for that one. Fairy doesn't seem to mind at all. Sick as it is to say, she would make a nice fur coat. Though I prefer my fur to still be breathing.

  "Alright, brainstorm and there are no dumb ideas. How do we fix this without killing anyone?"

  "W-well." Alcea up first, she seems to have a good head on her vines. "We could always, you know, ask them to stop."

  "There are some dumb ideas. Sagaci, thoughts?"

  "Iffff we can briiiing them toooo the aquaaaponiiiics, we can ooopen the valvvves and floooood them. Nonnne should be goooood at swimmming."

  "Won't that flood multiple decks which we can't close thanks to all the holes?"

  "Hmmmm, I suppossse."

  "I'll keep that as a maybe. Fairy? Do you-"

  "No."

  So far asking them politely to stop is the best option. Unless... there is one person I forgot to ask.

  "Vivvian, you wouldn't happen to have any bright ideas, would you?"

  "To conquer a land, one must conquer all that is within it from the highest mountains to the smallest of puddles. And to conquer what is within the land, one must know where it resides."

  "So you do have an idea?"

  Vivvian nods her feathered head. Let's see what she's got. A few button clicks and the screen is taken over. Huh. Interesting.

  "You have a way to force them there?"

  She nods again. We just might have something here.

  "I'll trust you to do whatever you need. Of course corralling them to that room is only half the battle. We need a strong follow up. Something that will make all three of them halt in their tracks."

  "If I maaaaay. I mighhht have sommmmethinnng. I willll need to borrrrrow Alcea for a fewwww minutesss."

  "Permission granted. Alcea, you're with Sagaci."

  "O-ok. Whatever you need."

  "Perfect. Head down and set up the trap. In the meantime Me and Vivvian are going to test something very necessary for this plan to work."

  Sagaci and Alcea salute, then rush off to do their part. Things are going to get interesting very fast. Better work on my speech. How should I start? Welcome to Space Hell. No, too basic. I am glad to see you all here today. Why would I be glad? No. Ah, didn't see you three come in. Take a seat. Eww, no. That hurts to just think about.

  "Stars align every hundred years."

  "Right right, sorry. Was stuck in my head for a bit there. Let's start small. See if this works."

  As I speak, view screens focus on Raze smashing up chairs and tables trying vainly to hit the Knight with his mace. Swingingly wildly like a child who found a good looking stick. The Diegiton rises out of the crater in the ground it was stuck inside and fires. Destroying what looks like hundreds of liters of beers from half the galaxy. Damn. I really wanted to check that bar out when this was over. Looked cozy. Now it's smoldering.

  "Let's try a light tap to the left."

  As the Knight leaps to make another stab attempt at the Ambassador, gravity shifts. The Knight veers wildly off course, crashing though a wall with all that redirected momentum. Raze and the Ambassador both stumble, Raze more so due to his raised hammer attempting to fly from his hand. They all stop for a brief moment, then return to trying to kill each other without giving it a second thought.

  "Brilliant. Looks like the plan will work after all. Don't suppose we can just use the gravity controls to pin them down."

  "The difference between a butterfly on your fingers and a stain on your palm is but the slightest bit of pressure."

  "True. Besides, that robot and bug could probably take a ton of abuse. I'm going to head down to the ambush point. Rehearse my lines a bit. Be ready for the big play."

  Vivvian bows as I leave. Once again left alone where she is needed most.