“What are you thinking about?” Barclay steps beside me, pulling me out of my thoughts. I've been up on the rooftop, keeping to myself, thinking. It's a few days after my shoulder got cut, but I've been cleared by the medics, though I still hurt.

  I hold my tongue before answering. Instinct tells me to say “nothing”, but I know him, and he won’t buy it.

  “I was wondering when I became so angry.” I tell him, glancing at him from the side. He’s tall, or at least taller than me. And with me being 5’ 6”, you tend to notice when people were taller than you.

  “Well,” he begins, and I turn to look at him. His lips are tight, like he’s concentrating on something. I raise my eyebrows and he shrugs. “Look at the world.” He gestures out across the city. “We couldn’t have known this was what was waiting for us.” I shake my head disagreeing with him.

  “I don’t think it was just this.” I half-heatedly gesture broadly as well. “I think maybe it’s me.”

  “Maybe.” He says quietly, and I’m surprised that he’s agreeing. I watch as he smirks. “But I don’t think you’re angry at everything. You could’ve yelled at me for interrupting you, for example.” I smile in spite of myself.

  “Maybe you just haven’t let me yet. I still could.” I warn, but my voice is only teasing. “You’re leaving tomorrow?” I look back out at the city skyline.

  “Yeah,” He says, but his voice disappear. Too quiet. So he clears his throat and repeats himself. “Yeah, early. Supply run for a few days, unless we find something closer.”

  That was a problem too, most of the nearby areas had been cleared out early on. I mull over what to say as the silence stretches between us. But I can’t think of anything. We stopped wishing anyone good luck a long time ago. It was clear that either luck wasn’t everything, or that many of us didn’t have it.

  ***

  A few days later

  A bunch of us had been told to stay up on the roof for our safety. Pacing and looking out across the city and into the darkness. There had been people down below, armed judging by the shots fired, but it was quiet now. I hoped they had finally moved on.

  As I expected, a guard finally called up, giving the all clear for us to come back down.

  “Hey, Cypher,” I caught Cypher’s arm as he went to leave.

  “Yeah?” He didn’t sound annoyed, though he had every right to be. I wanted to sleep too. His eyes were green, but seemed dull. Either from the lack of light, or bleary from the lack of sleep.

  “I was just wondering if you,” I cleared my throat. “If you’d heard anything about Barclay’s team.”

  They had left for a scouting mission four days earlier. Under office rules, if they were staying out longer, they needed to have sent someone back to check in by now. Given his laidback personality, Cypher knew almost everyone.

  “Right, they should have checked in by now.” His eyebrows furrowed. “Sorry, I haven’t heard anything.” He paused. “But I will let you know when I do.” Cypher walked away, heading to bed, probably.

  “I’m going to stay up here a while.” I called to the guard who had come up, passing Cypher and was now holding the door. He nodded and closed it behind him. Probably looking forward to sleeping too.

  I wrapped my arms around me and paced again, watching as the sky moved from darkness, to a faint outline of the city returning. Morning. The next patrol would be starting soon, but I didn’t want to leave just yet.

  It was quieter now, only a few people going about their lives, hunting and gathering for scraps of food.

  It wouldn’t have been right to say I was worried, I thought to myself. Of course, I didn’t know him well enough to truly be worried, not really. But concerned? Maybe.

  But I didn’t have any of the horrible sensations I normally get when people talk about doing things in a future that they won’t make it to. And we had talked about him leaving. Moving to a crate, I sat down, racking my brain and trying to remember the last conversation I had with Barclay.

  Had he actually mentioned what he was doing? Is it possible that I didn’t feel anything because he hadn’t explicitly talked about a location? I couldn’t remember.

  The world had changed from dim outlines, to almost true daylight by the time the next patrol showed up.

  “Quite the night, huh?” A woman I didn’t know well spoke, as she stretched her arms above her head. I nodded. The man that came up behind her was younger, and looked more bored than tired.

  “Yeah, no sleep will make for a long shift.” I said, standing up and making room for them, deciding to head back into the building. I hesitated as I reached the door.

  This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  “Did you guys see what happened?” Turning around, they both looked at me, shaking their heads.

  “No. We heard it though. We were fourth, and they only went as high as third.” The boy replied. But he spoke again, most likely interpreting my hesitation as worry. “But nothing important was taken.” I thanked them and headed down the stairs.

  Exhaustion hit me as I unlocked the door to the fifth floor. My room was also locked when I was on shift at night. Not that there was anything of importance to steal, but it made me feel better.

  So I unlocked my room, and laid down, pulling the blanket over top of me. I heard the rustling of others getting up and starting their day. My chest tightened and I reminded myself that it didn’t matter. That it was okay to rest, having technically worked watch from yesterday afternoon until this morning. More than a double-shift even. And I was still injured.

  Shuffling, I felt the pull of my muscles relaxing. And I soon fell asleep.

  ***

  I was in a grocery store, and I only had a second to notice the shelves, void of anything but garbage and empty containers, before a hot pain bloomed in my side.

  Falling to the floor, I saw hands that were not mine, yet I could feel them move when I commanded them to. Except it also wasn’t my command.

  The hands were male, and streaked with red as I knelt. My right hand went to my right side, then lifted again, more red.

  The pain was warm now, spreading, and deep, like a heartbeat. I lifted an arm up in defense as someone came and stood next to me. My lips formed the words for “don’t” but before I could speak them, the person lifted something big above me, I felt the pressure more than the pain of the blow, and then there was blackness.

  I shuddered awake, drenched in sweat, but quickly caught my breath. At least this one had been quick. Throwing the blanket off of me, I rose and changed. Sleep wouldn’t come again, I knew.

  Glancing at the daylight I guessed it was around lunch, maybe even early afternoon. Not a lot of sleep, but more than enough to function.

  I threw on some cargo pants and a long-sleeve shirt and thought about what schedule I was on. I checked a notepad I kept on my desk, and relief flooded through me as I realized it was a rest day. No jobs, no workouts. Not that I was fully cleared for workouts yet, but Cher would find something for me to do if given the chance.

  I breathed out fully and took a deep breath in, steadying myself. I knew what I wanted to do. And I knew there was no one here to stop me.

  Deciding that my mind was made up, I filled my backpack with extra granola bars and water bottles I always kept in my room.

  Before I had arrived, there had been a night when hostiles had gotten in and made it all the way up to the 4th floor. While they didn’t make it to my level, the people who took refuge here, and those above hadn’t been able to leave their floors for two days until the intruders had been taken care of. So now everyone stockpiled supplies in their rooms to have on hand.

  I slipped out of my office, taking my notebook with me as a final thought, and left the room open. If I didn’t make it back, it would be clear that my position could be filled.

  I bypassed all of the levels and took the stairs two at a time. To my surprise, I didn’t meet anyone that recognized me on my way to the first floor. Then I remembered with last night’s attack, everyone that would have been on-shift would probably still be sleeping.

  Reaching the lobby I threw open the door and looked around. There was nothing in the main room, as always. An empty foyer, with just bits of dust, glass, and garbage.

  Even by the time I arrived here there hadn’t been much left of the main lobby. People had pillaged and vandalized every surface. The reception desk had multiple names carved into it, along with some bible verse quotes.

  I gingerly stepped my way across the floor, choosing to leave through one of the side windows instead of the main door that I almost went to on instinct. You had to get rid of your first thought, and act on your second. That was what Cher had told me in one of our first sparring lessons.

  Everyone had the same instinct, and the same first thought. It was the second one that you needed to cultivate, practice, and learn to trust. Everyone would have used the front door—therefore, it was safer not to.

  Peering through the window, I carefully lifted my leg over the shards that remained in the frame. Shouldering my backpack higher, I used my hands to balance without touching the glass, and crouched next to the building. My shoulder protested the backpack, and my stitches pulled on the healing skin. But I ignored it.

  There was a sidewalk across the road, and more buildings lined the block next to this office in both directions.

  I straightened, making my way down the sidewalk. I pulled the knife from the sheath strapped to my leg and held it in my hand, just in case.

  Walking a familiar route, I moved past old businesses until I arrived at an old elementary school. I thought about going in, and then decided against it. Being this close to the office, someone else, whether from our group or not, would have cleared it out already.

  I kept walking for a while, keeping an eye out for any movement. After about 30 minutes, I realized I didn’t have any idea where I was going. And I couldn’t pretend anymore. I knew why I was really out here.

  I was looking for Barclay.

  And I knew they had gone East, to cross the bridge and see if they could find any other supplies, or more recruits. We had heard that there was a group similar to ours that was taking refuge in the marina boats on the North side.

  But that was just rumor, and no way to know it was true. I remembered the map in my bag and pulled it out. I put my back to a corner of a nearby building and made sure that the map was low enough I could still watch everything. You couldn’t be too careful out here, even in the daylight.

  Tracing the outline, and estimating the distance was easy having done this a few times. Their trip would have taken them about four days there and back, plus around 2 days to search. Meaning someone should have checked in around day 3 or 4 at the latest. We were going on 5.

  But that also meant that if they were on their way back now, there was a good chance I could run into them. Or, at least, that’s what I told myself.

  Folding the map carefully, I tucked it into my backpack and zipped it shut. It could make it to the bridge at least. It would take me a day, and I would be traveling back in the dark most likely. But that was okay, too. I had a lighter and knew how to fashion makeshift torches. Though those only made you a target.

  For the most part, however, people left you alone so long as you didn’t get too close or were brandishing something of value. It was one of the reasons I made a point not to carry a gun with me.

  So I headed off, sticking to the sides of the buildings where there was more shelter and shade. I hoped Barclay was alright.

  He had to be, I thought to myself. I also briefly thought, “what the hell am I doing?”, but the moment passed, and I carried on.