- Cosmetics, like makeups, push up bra, good boxers, or even cosplay make up are vestigial.

  - But in a way, you'd wanna good look in the apocalypse. The world's already shit, don't let yourself look like one too.

  - and besides, the very hot people are probably dead to use them. So the uglies and the moderates have it all for themselves.

  ---

  I woke up in the middle of the night.

  I saw Harun awake. Sitting on the floor looking outside.

  "Couldn't sleep?" I asked.

  "You know it." He laughed. A cup of coffee in his hand. "I was just thinking about things."

  "Where'd you get hot water?" I asked.

  "Oh, the two made a campfire upstairs. I doubt anyone would complain so I'd let them. They're asleep too." He answered.

  There was palpable silence, but I had to ask it. "What's on your mind?"

  "I was dreading you'd ask that." He smiled weakly. "Then again, I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't want to tell you."

  He sighed deeply.

  "Do you think... we could've helped the Collective? Like... actually make a dent on their problem?" He looked down in his cup before taking a soft sip.

  Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

  I didn't know how to answer it. Well. I have an answer. I just... Didn't know how to package it.

  "It was too big for the two of us. We barely make do with 5 of us in Cleveland." I answer. The moment it left my mouth, i wanted to take it back. I didn't want to risk... anything between us. But I didn't want to make him feel hopeful about it.

  "You're right. There were just... so many people. I just feel... conflicted, is all. I knew how to survive on my own. And I know how to survive in a group. I wish i could teach that to others."

  "we're already... doing that. To Nora and Max." I look outside, and then i felt Harun poking my shoulder gently, and passing his cup to me. I take a soft sip as well. "We're doing the best we can."

  "But what if the best... wasn't our best? What then?" He then went silent.

  I handed the cup back to him. I have never seen him like this. I don't know what to say. I feel hopeless again.

  "Sorry for waking you up," He added. "Disregard my worries. It's nothing."

  "No. It's not nothing. I don't want you to feel hopeless. Helping is something we should do. But we can't help if we don't survive. I... I don't know what to actually add afterwards."

  He laughed. Meekly.

  "It's fine. I'm bummed out, but not that bummed. Just.. disappointed."

  I feel you. But i just feel like I'm digging a grave with my answers.

  ---

  The afternoon light came, and I realized I feel asleep after talking to Harun. He's nowhere in the house, but his bag is there. I fold up my sleeping back, and pack up my things. I also headed upstairs to check if the two were awake. They're gone.

  I felt something in my stomach. Suspicion and unease. But i didn't want to name it because naming it would betray the trust i have with Harun.

  I went outside, and found no one.

  i feel a little jittery.

  a little panicked.

  I headed farther and farther. slowly. Trying to check thoroughly.

  I couldn't scream. I wouldn't want to risk being a meal bell for the zombies.

  It took me 2 hours, and I found them.

  They were at some grocery store.

  I knew because I could hear Max from far away.

  When I got there, I saw Nora and Max by the make up section.

  She's putting makeup on him.

  "Looking good." I nodded at them. Nora nodded back. Max looked like he wanted me to save him. No thanks. I know how violent girlfriends can get.

  I saw Harun by the clothing section. His eyes widened when he saw me. "Hey! I'm glad you found us! I left you sleeping because i didn't want to wake you up, and I wanted to teach the newcomers how to prioritize items when scav raiding." He said, munching on stale chips.

  "Are those still good?" I asked.

  He handed me the bag. "It's not crispy, but it's still good. Anyways, it stopped because they have a lot of clothes and make up that we decided we'll be taking home to Cleveland. We need more clothes. We can't just cycle through the same clothes every day."

  "That's a sound logic i can get behind. How was the two?" I asked.

  "Oh, they were rowdy. Buuuuut, they listened. I told you, they were like you. Can't function without a little bit of freedom. You're like Aang."

  "ah, I'll pass on Aang. If it were me, I'd pick Zoro."

  "You don't have enough muscles. You're more like a sadder Sanji. No kicking skills, willing to dropkick a female zombie, also less simping. but more kind."

  I don't know whether or not to agree or get angry. But I'm glad he's doing okay.

  I wanted to address the scare, but... I don't want to. They just... simply forgot leaving sticky notes. That's all. I don't want to think about the implications of it being something else.